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Chapter 1

We'll be back in a few hours. The only thing that's keeping me on edge about going home is how we'll be able to talk to each other when I get back. Will we just ignore it? Is that even a possibility for us? Jose-Luis doesn't just ignore me because he's there's something he's too afraid to say. Everything that he's ever says or does is purposeful, nothing ever fake or unintentional. Which is why the kiss we had two weeks ago makes our relationship muddy.

"Taylor, help me stack the bikes," my dad called

I begrudgingly get out of the car to help my dad secure the bikes to our car. The last things to pack before we leave our grandparents cabin, to go home. For two weeks, I filled my hours with swimming, eating everything edible that's been placed six inches in front of me, and getting peppered with questions about school, church, and the relentless interest about mormom girls. Never would it, should it, or ever occur across anyone's mind that I am very interested in someone, and not only is she not mormon. She's not a girl at all. It also would never cross their minds that they've already met that person, three times. If Jose-Luis were here, he would joke that their grandson was too busy admiring his ass to even have the time for mormom girls.

"Thanks, Taylor" dad said.

"Yep" I replied

The conversations between me and my dad are never long. There's

always too many things I'm afraid of saying. As if something I say could blow this cover I've been putting up. I'm the last one to get in the car. I hop into the right seat next to my sister Lauren. I'd like to believe that she's ignored me for all fourteen years of her life because of the inevitable banter that she couldn't successfully keep up with.

My Grandparents stood just outside of their house waving to us as we pulled out of their driveway. Everything about the situation was completely average and idyllic. My parents and sister still chatting about the trip and assigning chores for us when we return. I hear a soft ping from my phone, which I had turned off throughout most of my vacation, because unlike Jose- Luis, I lie by omission and avoid people when I can't find anything to say to someone. He's never been that someone before.

But there's never been such a shift in us. The ping was of course a text from Jose-Luis, which only turned out to be the first one since I left. If I had detoxed at all over my vacation, that was undone now. For a few minutes, I tried to ignore it and respond later, but that ability soon went away as well.

T, I know ur coming back today so I want to talk to you about what we are. you're so important to me and I need some type of clarity, - JL

He doesn't send texts like that. Our digital conversations are always so short and with abbreviations. Eighty percent of the time he's texting me about the fucking school lunches. Him sending something of that length and seriousness made my nerves shoot up. I'm so afraid of being in the same room as him and getting to hear what he really wants, because if it's what I want. Well, it can't be what I want.

Sixth grade. Neither of us were confident or familiar with where we were supposed to be. So when everyone separated into groups and I quickly found out that we were the only strangers in the room, he and I found each other. Me, a kid who had moved from the southwest two weeks prior, and him. I guess I talked first, we loosely hung out and became friendly faces, eventually he became something to look forward to. My best friend who I would secretly imagine as my brother. We became closer than I could ever ever imagine getting with someone, and the concept of a favorite person, wasn't foreign.

The thing is, it wasn't like I had a hidden crush on JL since the day we met. Or that my feelings have plagued me since youth. Just, things shifted, and the transition from middle school to high school was very good to him. Unfortunately for me, his absolute glow up made it impossible for me to look at him the same way.