Her Youth

(5) Love Languages

I used to think my mom was confusing. Now, I realize that she's simple as can be. She longs for a simple life, seeks simple pleasures, surrounds herself with simple people.

But the way she loves, is anything but that.

Everyone has their own unique love language, but they usually fall within a few general categories. Maybe you show love by giving gifts and kind words. Maybe you feel most loved with quality time together. Mom's love language, on the other hand, is all over the charts. It all depends--depends on her mood, depends on the circumstances, depends on the challenges that'd arise.

The way she showed love was...unconventional, to say the least. Sometimes she'd express to you how afraid she is that you're not doing enough for yourself, and that you'd never make your life meaningful, falling into the same traps she did herself. And then, after realizing how inappropriate it is to say that to your nine year old daughter, would buy you a toy to make up for her actions. It would be an understatement to say that I was confused for the longest time by how other parents show love to their kids. It was always so consistent. They love you, and you got good grades, so they buy a toy. They love you, so they watch you do tricks on the monkey bars, just because they love you. There's no transaction to it, just unconditional, and consistent love.

My point is that you have to understand this: mom loves me. She always has. But the way she shows her love is different from most parents. I see it, and I recognize it. So when she starts going on and on about how I need to start dating again, I know that it's her way of saying she wants me to be happy. Because for her, men are one of the few things that make her happy.

"I don't need a boyfriend, mom," I explain. My voice is mostly lost in the clattering of dishes that I'm trying to rinse off. 

Mom's next to me, bending over to put them in the dishwasher. She usually helps me with a chore when she wants to talk, so I was already prepared for the unexpected when she offered to help with the dishes. "Hmm?" she hums, obviously not hearing what I'd just said. Either that, or she didn't want to believe what her ears were hearing. Wouldn't be the first time, that's for sure.

"I said, I don't need a boyfriend. I'm happy being single." I try not the blush at the thought of Mark coming into my head. I quickly shake it off, figuring he was just a passing person in my life to practice my flirting skills with.

She stared at me in disbelief for a second before chuckling. "Hun, everyone says that, until they get into a relationship. Do you know what they say then?"

There wasn't any point in avoiding the conversation. It was either entertaining her thoughts, or risk her throwing a fit. It was easier to tell her what she wanted to hear and move on. "No. What do they say?"

"They say that they couldn't imagine how they ever lived without being in a relationship."

"Well, maybe it's not for everyone." The look on her face said she wasn't taking any of it, so I continued. "And what am I supposed to do other than wait for the right person? I can't force anyone to like me and expect them to be Mr. Right." I reached over and shut the dishwasher, hoping that would be the end of that.

She mulled over my words for a second. "I guess you're right. I mean, I don't need you trapped in shitty relationships. Trust me, those aren't fun. Believe me, I've had a few." No, really? "The only things you get out of those are kids, a broken heart, and a collection of Radiohead tapes he left behind."

"Can't risk having kids, right?" I said.

She sighed and raised her brows. "You know that's not what I meant," she pleaded.