The Key To A New World

Chapter 5

 I stood at the end of Star's coffin dressed in all black, tears lining my cheeks, I was unable to look up at the world around me. The only thing running through my mind was that police officer's voice as he explained what happened. It played on repeat in my mind haunting me more and more every time it started over; and just like that, another demon was born inside my brain.

"Our investigation shows that Star lost control of her vehicle while trying to avoid being hit by a semi. The driver of the semi had fallen asleep behind the wheel and veered into her lane. They were on a hill; her car was found upside down at the bottom. The car flipped at least four times before finally stopping in the middle of the fifth roll. I'm sorry for your loss. We didn't know who else to call, your number is the only one in her contact list."

The light in my life was put out, all that was left was complete darkness; Star was gone. After the funeral, I sat at the foot of her grave starring at her head stone.

Star Collins

Aug. 21st, 1990 – May 19th, 2019

"The brightest light in Heaven!"

After sitting there for a while, I realized that all the voices in my head were silent for the first time. The only thing I could hear was the wind blowing, it was peaceful. Little did I know at the time, it was the last bit of peace I would get.

*******

A week after my best friend's funeral I was sitting in Dr. Baker's office with Shannon sitting next to me. I was staring at the floor unable to look up at either of them. When I first met Shannon, I was supposed to help her get through her tough times. My how the tables have turned. Dr. Baker was talking, I could hear the mumbles of his voice but couldn't understand what he was saying because I wasn't really listening. Instead, I was daydreaming about all the great times I had shared with Star; we did everything together. The best things in my life happened with her by my side. In some of my darkest times (the ones she witnessed) she was by my side and helped pull me out of my funk. A slight smile crossed my face just before my brain stopped the memory slide show and I heard a voice. 'Why was your number the only one in her phone?' My smile disappeared and I felt someone touch me.

It was Shannon, the second she placed her hand on mine was when my mind finally came back into focus. "Are you ok?" She asked me. I shined my best fake grin for half a second and looked back down at the floor resting my head back on my hand with my elbow propped up on the arm rest of my chair; I was not ok. My best friend was just ripped away from me like someone taking candy from a baby; that easy. "I know you're not but, I'm not really sure what to say. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it." She said sympathetically.

People always say that they are there for you if you need to talk but the fact is, how do we know that for sure? How do we even begin the conversation? Why would I want to throw all my problems on someone else's shoulders? Instead of talking we lock our problems down and try to forget about them. It does not work that well though. When we do that, we cause ourselves more problems. It builds up inside, the more problems we run across the more we lock down in that tiny box in the back of our minds, until one day we explode; which is exactly what I did that day in Dr. Baker's office.

"WHY?" I screamed and then I Exploded, I let everything go. From my earliest childhood memory (the giant ball I mentioned in the beginning), to my latest problem (losing Star) and everything in between, the suicidal thoughts, the voices, the fear, the depression, the anxiety, the anger, everything. I spilled it all out and destroyed Dr. Baker's office while doing so, and I don't mean just the small room we were in, I mean the entire two-story building. I went on a rampage screaming out all off my problems breaking everything I picked up, flipped a couple desks over on their sides (the ones I could manage to flip, some were just too heavy but it didn't stop me from trying), threw pens and pencils at the walls causing them to stick like daggers (even at a few people, some stuck the landing), I threw all the office supplies around, and the harder objects like staplers, lamps and computers I smashed against the floor or threw them at people's heads.