The Renegade

Chapter 19

The moment draws out between us and Luk's hot breath tingles against my neck. Why is he doing this if he can't forgive me for what I let happen to Ila? Why can't he just pull away and leave me alone? If he can't forgive, then why does he keep telling me he needs me?

"I..." The words stall in his throat and he licks his lips.

My head is dizzy with his nearness--when did this become so hard? A few weeks ago, I would have grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt and pulled his lips to mine, but this unforgivable sin lies between us and I'm paralyzed by fear. I'm weak.

His eyes flicker over my face, from my lips to my eyes, and my stomach rolls at his hesitation. "I swear I forgive you, Ren."

My muscles release at his words. He forgives me. He forgives me for subjecting his daughter to the torture that has addled her brain. He forgives me for not saving Ila when I could have. He forgives me, and he needs me.

I don't have time to consider the ramifications of his words because his mouth is on mine, hot, insistent, needy. I arch into him, grabbing at the collar of his shirt and yanking him closer. HIs mouth is feverish and he makes up for lost time, all the hesitancy gone with this one declaration. He forgives me. He needs me.

His fists catch in the loose material of my orange t-shirt at the small of my back and I twine my arms around his neck. He leans back just enough to break the kiss and then pulls me into a hug, which is somehow sweeter than the kiss. I burrow my head into the crook of his neck and resist the urge to cry. He is warm and solid and here with me.

Father Paul's plan of revenge and the Civilization's ashen remains and everything else don't seem so daunting now. Elz and Orrick will always be on my side, but I don't need them like I need Luk. He forgives me. With his simple words of forgiveness, he lifted a weight from my chest. Emotion fills me and I almost wish I could be swept away by it and stay here with Luk for the rest of the day.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," he whispers, his lips against my ear. His arms tighten around me and the remaining tensions seeps out of my body. "I wanted to, but--it doesn't matter. I've missed you."

This strange elation strikes a dissonant chord inside of me. How can I be happy right now? How can I forget about Domus's revenge and Ila and the destroyed civilians and Underlings? I pull away from Luk reluctantly, my body betraying my mind, until I face him.

"Luk, what are we going to do?"
His eyes are half-lidded and it takes a moment for the fog to clear. "What? About what?"

I grin at him and slug him in the shoulder. "About your dad, genius. He's planning revenge on the Civilization. Are we just going to let him get away with it?"
Luk sighs and runs a hand through his sun-dappled hair. "I was hoping he was bluffing."

My eyes narrow. "You know he's not."

"I know."

"So what are we going to do?"

"I can't think when you're so close to me." Luk sighs and leans back onto his hands. "Look, Paul wants me back in with Domus leadership, and I've been playing along. Maybe if I keep acting like the obedient son, I can pressure him to tell me what his plan is."

"But that could take days, weeks! How are we supposed to save the Civilization without more warning?"

Luk tilts his head and stares at me, chewing on his lower lip. "Save the Civilization? Ren, do you even hear yourself right now? Do you remember what they did to you?"
His eyes trace my collarbone where overlapping scars give evidence of the Civilizations' torture to my leg, shattered by a gunshot from Mizpah. He's right; I have every reason to hate the Civilization, but most of the civilians and the Underlings aren't to blame for what happened to me.