The Renegade

Chapter 1 - Part 1

 When the dead come to lead me out of my slumber, Eya visits me first.

Eya, my brother. The child who was abandoned by the Civilization to die outside the fence.

They chose me over him because I was smart enough, submissive enough, weak enough to survive in the Civilization. Eya wasn't, so they expelled him to freeze to death in the tundra that covers our world. But here he stands before me, still a child with familiar wide brown eyes.

"Renna," he murmurs. He takes a step towards me. His feet are bare; how can he walk in the snow? How is he still alive in the subzero arctic? He extends his hand to me, and I see his fingers--they are swollen and purple from the cold.

I want to throw my arms around him to shield him from the cold, but I can't move. I'm frozen, just like he'll be. He takes another step, and the blue frostbite crawls up his arm to his chest. "Eya!" I scream, but he fades before I can force my limbs to move and he's gone. My brother is gone. I feel a sense of loss, but not grief--like I should be upset about losing him, but I can't quite summon the emotion. Instead, I am empty.

"Renna!" I spin around when I hear my voice, but it's not Eya.

This time I see two Underlings holding hands, Betta and Uner. Betta was a leader from the Underworld, bent on defeating the Civilization; she gave her life to keep my secrets. Uner was just a sweep baby, an Underling child sent to me for judgment. I decided that he deserved expulsion, death. I decided that he wasn't worthy enough to live. I didn't save Betta when I had the chance. Their eyes are bloodshot as they stare at me.

"You did this to us," Betta murmurs, and I see a bullet hole in her forehead, dripping blood down her face and her slightly crooked nose.

Uner's body starts to turn blue and his teeth chatter as he whispers, "You killed us, Renna."

I scream, my breath vaporizing in a fog before me, and I try to jump towards them, but I'm frozen in space. When the fog from my breath dissipates, they are gone. My heart pounds in my chest, my skull, my body. This isn't real. They're all dead--Eya, Uner, Betta. They're all dead because of me. But who else will the dream recall to haunt me? What other deaths have I caused?

"Renna."

A voice cuts through the whistling wind, and I know who it is before I turn to face him. My friend, who died because of my foolhardy plan. I squeeze my eyes shut as I turn on one heel. Behind my eyelids, his death replays--the bullet striking him in the back and his body falling into the snow.

"Laird?" I whisper, and I open my eyes to see my friend with his familiar, handsome smile. He looks whole, healed, like a bullet in the back didn't steal his life.

"It's okay, Renna," he says with a smile, walking towards me and extending his hand. I can't see the bullet hole, but I know it's there. I know he's dead, but his smile is so reassuring and confident that it makes me want to forget. "It'll all be over soon. Come with me, and I swear, it'll all go away."

He grins at me, his dark eyes flashing, and I want to believe him. I want to take his hand and forget about everything that's happened, everything I've done. I want to follow him into the blank white in front of me and let it wash away my pain so nothing else exists. Before me stands the line between life and death, and all I want is to follow Laird into blissful nothingness. It would be so easy to give in to the guilt and the pain and let all my regrets wash away.

I take a step towards Laird and stretch out my hand. My palm is white, clammy with sweat, shaking. If I take Laird's hand, all the guilt, the pain, the regret will disappear. That's when I hear his voice.

"Renna, wake up!"

I spin in a circle, but there's no one else here; it's just me and Laird and the tundra. But I know that voice, the lilting accent and the earnest tone. Luk. Like a swirling snowstorm, something inside of me awakens at his voice.

"Please come back to me, Ren. Don't give up."

His words are strong and insistent, and they almost make me want to return to him and leave Laird and Eya and my other ghosts behind. Almost.

"Luk?" I whisper, closing my eyes. "Where are you?"

He's not here in this barren landscape of guilt and regret, but I can hear his voice calling to me from beyond.

"You...I know you didn't do this to Ila," he says, and memories rush back to me. Memories I don't want to recall. About how I could have saved his daughter from having her mind and memories destroyed. About how she may never remember her father because of me. I turn back towards Laird; I can't return to Luk, not with the guilt of what I've done. Luk will never forgive me for this, and I can't really blame him. I destroyed his daughter.

I take a step towards Laird who still waits for me with a confident grin, but his dark eyes are bottomless and erie. I reach out my hand towards him so he'll take me and the darkness will swallow us both.

Then I hear Luk's voice, saying words unimaginable.

"I know this isn't your fault, Ren. I need you."

He doesn't blame me? The Civilization gave me a chance to save Ila, but I refused it. I valued the secrets of the Underworld over the memories of Luk's daughter. I blame myself, but somehow Luk doesn't blame me? I squeeze my eyes shut as Luk's voice calls me away from Laird, away from escape, away from nothingness. I have to return to Luk. I have to try to atone for my wrongs instead of just letting myself fade away and forget.

He needs me; I have to live.

Welcome back to the Renna saga and to book two! If The Intellect astounded you, The Renegade will blow you out of the water. I'm pretty excited to share Renna's newest journeys with you in book two! Before we dive in, let me know what you expect to happen in book two!