Till Death Do Us Part

Day Ten

December 3rd 2014

Dear Harry,

Can't believe it's been nine days , 15 hours and 26 minutes that I have been alive without you , Remember when we both told each other we could never live without one another ? Well I do . I guess only I would really know what it's like to be dead but still walking I mean I have done it for almost ten days now right ?

12 more days until your funeral , can't believe it though you know it's so unreal at times to really think , wow I really did lose my reason to be yet I'm still here how ?

A soul mate is a mate that completes your soul and that's just what u did from the word go harry you changed everything for me when I should have been crying you we're the one there to make me smile even if it was just for a while .

Eleanor called today asking if I wanted her at the funeral , I said sure I hope that's alright with you Haz it's just she's been helping a lot you know so I thought why not right .

Your mom will be coming down on the 5 th with my mom and sisters staying at a hotel near by , seeing as there's no room in our flat with one of the boys always sleeping on the sofa me in my bed and no one even aloud in yours .

Today for the first time in I don't know how long Liam let me go on twitter the fans really miss One Direction as a whole but more importantly they miss you Harry your cheeky personality and those amazing green eyes and those dimples deeper then some Irish accents .

Going to treatment is torture , my therapist says I need to gain weight and smile more but what she doesn't get is that it's pretty hard to smile when your reason to do such is gone and never to return.

I have lost a few more pounds I think maybe at most 10 , but I think a little more wont kill nobody .

My skin is still itchy ,been taking care of it . The pain that strikes my arm and or legs after the metal has slid across my skin is an amazing feeling I don't know why I ever stopped .

The voice , I mean your voice is still screaming at me and the only time it stops is when I take away the itch in my arms and legs .

These last passed few days without you have been hell I'll stick it out for as long as I can I promise that Harry but when I come crashing down and I've just had enough don't be mad just be there to catch me all over again .

Love,
Louis