The Kingpin

•25•

  "Rafael?" Amelia calls out to him after walking into the house. She had been running around half the city trying to find him something he'd actually eat.

  His appetite had been almost non-existent lately but he would eat a little for her as long as she ate with him.

  "Upstairs!"

  "I brought some food. Putting it in the kitchen then coming up!"

  She places the bag of take-out on the counter before making her way upstairs. Amelia continues on into the bathroom after seeing the light on in there.

Rafael is leaning against a marbled claw foot tub with a smug grin tugging at his lips.

  "You didn't-" Amelia gasps at seeing exactly what he had done.

  He had been acting even more distant than usual in the last few days and she was starting to get worried. Her shoulders relaxed and an odd sense of relief whispered past her lips in the form of a sigh.

  "For you."

                                           ••••

  She undresses while watching him fill the tub up. She takes note of the fact that he's using her favorite soap and her cheeks almost hurt from the smile that wouldn't leave her face.

  "Check it and lemme know what you think."

  Amelia runs her hand along the side and into the water before giving a nod. "It's perfect."

  "You're perfect," He mumbles before even realizing the words had tumbled out of his mouth.

  This causes her to seize all movement for a second before turning to look at him, giving him an unreadable expression.

  His heart feels like it stops as he searches for words he can't even begin to say.

  "I- my bad."

  She closes the distance between them after another few seconds to give him a kiss. "Get in with me."

  As if in a trance, his eyes slowly flutter back open and he nods. Her hands move to his sides to lift his shirt over his head. He feels absolutely like putty when she has her hands on him.

  Rafael hadn't had much of an appetite lately and his ribs were a bit more prominent than usual but that didn't stop her from ghosting her fingertips over his skin with a love he hadn't felt in forever. His entire body felt like it was already underwater and he was just barely treading the water but something in the way she touched him made everything better.

  She was gentle where he wasn't.

  Her hands moved to his hips while his thoughts took this weird spiral. Amelia helped him out of the rest of his clothes and held her hands out as if she could catch him when he began lowering himself into the tub.

  "I'm not gonna drown, kid," Rafael quips once both of his arms are resting on the sides. "C'mon."

  Amelia strips down the rest of the way and allows for his hands to guide her hips into the water to sit in front of him. Her knees remain close to her chest and she leans back against him.

  "Thank you." She whispers after a while of them sitting in the silence together. Rafa had been mindlessly tracing shapes on the tops of her shoulders with his head resting against whichever one he wasn't concentrating on.

  "Mm, for what?" He mumbles in response, trying to seem like he wasn't almost asleep.

  "For buying us a bathtub."

  The third word wakes him up.

  "Us?" He tries to strip away any of the hope that might be evident in his voice but he isn't sure how well it works.

  "Yeah?" She responds with equal intonation and tries to turn her head to face him. "I don't have my apartment anymore because you wanted me here, convinced me to stay here."

  "Us." Rafael repeats but with no questioning tone this time around. "I'm glad you listened to me after all."

  Amelia feels herself shrinking back into herself at the shift in tension. This type of intimacy was one she had forgotten about and was never properly shown. It seemed wrong in a way, like they were crossing a line somehow.

  None of it seems at all how it was supposed to go and her stomach churns at the thought. She can't speak to save her life but she is highly aware of his skin against hers and the way her back is pressed against his chest.

  "Baby, what?" His voice breaks through as he gently squeezes her arm.

  She doesn't mean to but she nearly jumps out of her skin, the water around them slinking back and forth.

  "Hey," Rafael begins slowly. "What's goin' on?"

  Amelia shakes her head for a moment and tries to blink away the stinging tears she can't explain. "I'm sorry, I- My bad." She begins to stand and get out of the tub as he reaches out for her. "I shouldn't have said anything."

  His fingertip brushes against her leg as she quickly grabs for the towel on the countertop to wrap herself up. He follows suit and is right behind her when she walks into the bedroom.

  "The hell is goin' on? Talk to me or something, Amelia. Fuck."

  "I don't know what we're doing here."

  It comes out in a whisper but hits him in the chest. They've been here a hundred times before.

  The rubber bands tighten even more and he winces, his hand going up to his head before he takes a few deep breaths. "What about this is so hard for you, kid? I mean- Jesus. We both know what we're doing here."

  "Rafael, I don't think we should be-"

  "Look at me."

  "I am. What does that have to do with anything?"

  "Look at me and tell me you don't care."

  "I can't- We shouldn't have started this."

  "You keep saying 'this'. That means it's something so for fuck's sake just accept that you care!"

  His raised voice rattled the very ribs in her chest as her gaze glued itself to the floor.

  He's in her space quickly. Hands holding hers and silently begging her to look back up at him.

  She won't, though. Her hands pull away from his as she walks over to the dresser drawer. She shakily begins taking out what is hers.

  Amelia takes out a folded black shirt and tries to add it to her belongings but he says, "That's mine."

  She stops mid-motion with the shirt clutched in her hand. "No it's not. It was in my drawer."

  "Because you said it was your favorite. But it's mine. If you're gonna fucking leave, at least let me keep my shit."

  Her teeth bite into her lower lip and the metallic taste dances on her tongue for a moment before she balls up the shirt and throws it at his chest.

  "Fine!"

  Rafael watches in stunned silence as she angrily gathers up what little she owns and shoves it into her backpack. He even watches as she makes her way down the stairs and to the front door.

  Her hand graces the knob as her shoulders tremble, betraying her.

  "I love you, goddammit. Don't leave again."