He takes you on a shopping spree
It’s time you had new gear.
He says he’ll buy you anything
As long as it’s not dear.
He offers you a credit card
Your chin falls on your knee
It’s only from his nephew’s game
‘Electronic Monopoly’!
You tell him, “Stop being stupid”
And ask him if he means this.
You cannot take him seriously
And question, did I dream this?
You find a shop you like the look of
Then you see a skirt.
He says out loud for all to hear
“That skirt looks like a shirt”!
You plonk the skirt back down again
And choose some skinny jeans.
He says out loud for all to hear
“Your legs will split the seams”!
Quite red faced, you grab a dress
And say you’re off to try it.
He says out loud for all to hear
“You’re cracked to think I’ll buy it”!
Blushing, flushing, what’s the difference?
In the cube you go
And why you date a man like him
You really do not know.
He sees a standing mannequin
And lives a childhood dream
Pulls its wig off, tries it on
Makes all the women scream.
Then he puts it back again
And shakes the dummy’s hand
Its arms come off, its legs collapse
It topples off its stand!
You’re stood there feeling sexy
And you ask him what he thinks
Much to your astonishment
He blushes then he winks.
“Hmm not bad, quite nice in fact
A tasty number, yes”
You see straight through his flattery
He doesn’t mean the dress.
The curtain cube beside you
Is not pulled all the way
Leaving quite an opening
For his spying eyes to sway.
The girl inside, she jumps in fright
To see your fella staring
And when she pulls the curtain closed
It starts your fella swearing.
You change the dress and when you have
You wobble at the knees
He stands and waves a pair of briefs
And all the precinct sees.
“These are what you bought before
It took you years to choose em’
And then they stretched until they snapped
And what a place to lose em”!
A woman gets her zip stuck
Your fella says he’ll help
He tugs the dress and nips her skin
The woman gives a yelp.
He pulls the zip towards him
and rips it to a tat
then walks off waving cheerfully
exclaiming she’s too fat!
You leave the shop immediately
Your fella tags along
You’re mad, you’re vexed, you’re so disgraced
He asks you, “what is wrong”?
Guys like him are tight and dim
And will push you to the limit
You cannot win, so just give in
Before he lands you in it!
