He takes you to a nightclub
He says he likes to dance
You’re not sure if you should do
But think you’ll take the chance
He takes his time to choose one
He says he has it planned
But really he must find one
From which he’s not been banned
He thinks you look quite stunning
You think he looks quite hot
You think you will enjoy this
The best date of the lot
The club he picks is swanky
But the entrance fee is steep
He asks you for a hanky
Then pretends to weep
‘I’ve lost my ruddy wallet,
With all my money in
Shall we just forget it love?’
Then shows his cutest grin
You’re really rather angry
But don’t kick up a stink
You give your hard earned cash to him
To go buy you a drink
You watch him head towards the bar
And chat up all the women
They pour their vodka’s down him
And he looks like he’s been swim’in
He comes back like a drowned rat
And downs three pints of beer
He only gets you orange juice
And says that wine’s too dear
He heads onto the dance floor
And says this way he’ll dry
He boogies as he joins the crowd
As if he’s ‘disco guy’
You think you’ll show some willing
And you take his hand and ‘groove’
But he pulls away as if to say
You’re in the way, so move
The ultraviolet lighting
Shines on his jeans and kickers
But also shows which girls in white
Are minus bra or knickers
He’s beaming like a Cheshire cat
The crafty little cad
But then he’s spotted leering
And one girl goes quite mad
She whacks him with her hand bag
And he falls down on the floor
You try to pull him up again
But he likes that angle more
You really wish you’d stayed at home
And done a bit of knitting
You’re in a nightmare, not a club
For him it is befitting
He starts to head towards the gents
But trips over a wire
He sets the dry ice floating
Then he shouts in panic ‘FIRE’!
All the women start to scream
As he pulls out all the plugs
Next you see him kick his legs
While perched between two thugs
Laying on the pavement
Is a guy whose neck you’ll wring
A silly fool who thinks he’s cool
And of the nightclubs, king!
