Don't Forget You're Mine || Jerrie

27

January 12, 2016

It is the last day of Jade and Jed's trip to Paris. They are sitting in a café, their suitcases next to their feet, since they will be heading out to the airport afterwards. They have both ordered butter croissants, and Jade has hot chocolate with her pastry while Jed has coffee with his. She woke up in a bittersweet mood today. She is glad to go back home, but at the same time, it is incredibly painful knowing that Perrie will not be there, because she is thousands of miles away, on some distant island Jade was supposed to be on, too. 

"I had so much fun on this trip," Jed says as he brings the mug to his lips and takes a sip. Then a smile spreads on his face and Jade smiles as well because she cannot stay indifferent. After spending a few full days with Jed, she has learnt that they have a genuine connection, and that there are many things about him she likes. They have their differences, but there are also many things that are very similar. She had realized that comparing him to Perrie all the time is not fair for anyone involved, because what she has with Perrie is so different than what she has with Jed. Moreover, these comparisons only make Jade feel bad about everything, since Perrie always wins and Jade feels terrible for being here with Jed. 

"So did I," Jade replies with a nod and a friendly smile. She looks into Jed's bright eyes and they share an intimate moment of silence. Jed lays his hand on Jade's on the table, and Jade is surprised by the touch but enjoys it. They did kiss a couple of times over the course of the last few days, but it is not something that comes completely naturally yet. Jade is not sure if she feels attracted to Jed, or if maybe she is just overthinking this and needs to give it some time. She has always looked for a partner she has a connection with, someone who is passionate, talented, charismatic and supportive. Jed checks most of these boxes, but as much as Jade likes his personality, she finds it hard to look at his body in the way she should. Something about his haircut is not working, and again, he is simply not Perrie. 

"When do you think we'll see each other again?" Jed asks Jade, and she presses her lips together as she thinks. With the tour coming up, she is going to be very busy in the next few months, while Jed is flying back to the US soon. 

"Not in the next couple of months, if I'm honest," Jade replies. "I'm so busy with work, and so are you. I don't know how we can make this work." 

"You're right," Jed agrees, then looks down before placing his gaze back on Jade. "It's going to be hard to make it work when we've only gone on a couple of dates and nothing is committing, you know? So I know that this is probably too early to ask, but… I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to make it official."

Jade is stunned by Jed's words. She never thought that him asking her to be his girlfriend so soon is a possibility. In fact, she assured Perrie that this will not happen, because of how unrealistic it seemed. Jade hates how easy this is. In the period of time between her break up with Sam and this summer, she felt extremely lonely and did everything in her power to find someone like Jed. Someone she truly had a connection with, and who is willing to commit. Though now, when she finally found him, she is already committed to a relationship which is currently on the rocks. As much as Jade and Perrie have tried convincing themselves - and one another - that they have a real future together, Jade sees now that this is simply not true. Because what's it worth loving someone if you are not allowed to show it, or talk about it, or tell everyone how happy you are? It is getting so hard to hide with people just finding out in their own, or figuring it out through some stupid mistakes, and Jade does not want her life to be this hard. She knows that it should not be. If she chooses Jed, that means that so many fears of hers will become irrelevant, and the weight she is carrying will be lifted off of her shoulders. No more hiding and freaking out when someone new finds out. No more limits on how she should act in public with her best friend. Jade cannot wait for all of these things to be over.