The Last Colony

Part 17

Mark slept for as long as he could, but his body still wasn't used to getting much sleep. He had always been the one on guard for Sean's sake. He just couldn't relax for long. Opening his eyes, his looked at the window. No light was coming from between the shutters. So, it had to be late still. Sean was fast asleep in his arms and for a while he stayed very still. He loved seeing Sean like this. He was so calm, and he must have felt so safe to sleep so soundly. Mark let his hand stroke Sean's chest lovingly. He couldn't help it. Even as close as he was to him... it never felt like enough. He just wanted to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from this world. He didn't want Sean to change. He wanted him to stay like this. To remain his loving and playful self. Sean was everything to him right now. He was the only thing keeping him from breaking and becoming the monster that Zero had become. Sean was the light in this darkening world. Mark's heart began to ache as he thought about Zero's words.

He didn't see himself as sheltering Sean. He saw it as protecting him. There were things out in this world that he didn't understand or were too strong for any one person. He only wanted to keep him safe. His mind drifted to the idea that Sean would never wake up and his heart twisted painfully in his chest. With watery eyes, he leaned over him and kissed his shoulder desperately. He couldn't remove the image from his brain. It was suffocating him. It was like a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. It was the worst daydream he had ever had, and his body took it as an inevitable truth. One day he would screw up... He'd fail to be there for him... and it would be the moment that he'd lose him. Trying to choke back his feelings, he laid over Sean more protectively and kissed his neck. Tears rolled down his face against his will, landing on Sean's skin and causing Sean to jerk awake beneath him. Mark lifted his head with a small sniffle, mumbling out very softly. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to wake you..."

Sean twisted in his arms to lay on his back, reaching up to touch his cheek. While his other hand turned on a dim lamp as he asked him gently. "Mark? What's wrong?" Mark lowered his forehead down onto Sean's shoulder, whispering to him honestly. "Nothing. Just had a bad dream... Go back to sleep." Sean's hand caressed his cheek and neck, whispering to him lovingly. "What was it about?" Mark gruffly cleared his throat before straining out in a shaky voice. "You didn't wake up... It was just bits of all the ways I could fail you..." Sean wrapped his arms around Mark's neck, coaxing him to lay over him. When he obeyed and was nestled over Sean, Sean brushed his lips over his before whispering warmly to him with a loving smile. "Oh, Mark... What am I going to do with you? You put too much weight on your shoulders. Listen to me. If I fall... It won't be your fault. It will because we couldn't outrun it forever." Mark shook his head, straining out in a broken voice. "I can protect you... I can save you..."

Sean pulled Mark's head down to press his forehead to his, replying as gently as he could. "Mark, stop. You're torturing yourself planning and thinking about a life without me... but I'm still here. Stop looking to a future that may or may not happen. You won't find me there, because I'm right here in the present. I'm here right now with you." Mark sniffled, trying to say that he wanted it to stay this way, but his voice failed him. Sean pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. Mark felt the kiss throughout his whole body. His twisting heart relaxed and filled with a powerful relief. It felt like Sean's kiss was breathing life into him. Clearing away his pain and calming him. The raging storm in his head cleared to reveal the blue skies. As blue as Sean's eyes. Mark's heart leapt in his chest as he opened his eyes to see Sean's staring up at him. Sean grinned, brushing Mark's tears away with his thumbs as he lovingly whispered to him. "I love you, Mark. You frustrate me... but I love you so much." Mark couldn't suppress the chuckle that escaped him.

Mark sniffled, mumbling out in a deep buttery tone. "Well, it's good that some things never change... right?" Sean grinned even brighter, replying sweetly. "Ya. You're stubborn enough for the both of us." Mark smirked, telling him just as sweetly. "I love you, Jack. I sorry... I wanna be better... I just-" Sean covered his mouth, lovingly purring back with a smile. "Don't apologize. Deep down, I understand why you do what you do. You've kept us alive. But somewhere along the way you took all the burdens and left me feeling... like a shadow. I can help you if you let me." Mark hung his head a little, uttering out under his breath. "I just didn't want to cause you anymore pain... We both can't shut down... One of us has to keep it together." Sean wrapped his legs around Mark's hips and rolled him over onto his back. Laying over Mark innocently, Sean told him with a warm smile. "We all deal with grief differently, Mark. I prefer to show my feelings... You lock them away. You lock them away so tight that when I can handle it, you won't let me in. You shut me out. If you think that I'll see you as weak? You're wrong. I'll see you as human. We stumble. We fall. We fail. We make mistakes. We grieve. I can't help you if you don't let me try."