scars・bokuaka

two・emotions

Akaashi sat in the infirmary, gripping his arm in pain, impatiently waiting. He needed to be back on that court. He needed to redeem himself for the times he messed up during that match. He needed to show he was strong.. not weak.

The nurse returned with a first aid kit. She gently took Akaashi's hand and washed the wound under a tap. Akaashi flinched.

"It's okay, Akaashi-San, it won't hurt anymore once I wrap it up," the nurse reassured. She applied some ointment and carefully wrapped Akaashi's arm. Not to tight, not to lose, not to rough. Just nice.

She dropped in Akaashi's hand some pills and handed him a glass of water. "Here's some painkillers to numb the pain" She gave Akaashi one final smile before she left Akaashi alone in the room. With his thoughts.

He stared down at the pills. He hesitated before popping the pills into his mouth, followed by gulping down his glasses of water. After a few moments, his arm didn't hurt that much anymore. It felt numb but also good since he didn't have to deal with the pain anymore.

Imagine how more relaxed and focused Akaashi would be if painkillers worked the same for emotional and mental pain as it does for pyshical pain. Imagine how happy and free Akaashi would be if painkillers could numb emotional and mental scars as well as it does for pyshical ones. If only.

Akaashi sighed and held his head in his hands. He felt so helpless. He struggled to keep his breathing even. He wanted to cry, to scream, to let everything out.

But he knew he couldn't. It would be the end of him if said even the smallest peep about his real thoughts. How everyone would stare and glare at him, like he was some horrendous monster. Not that he was one on the inside already, he thought.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by a loud "AKAAAAAAAAAASHHHIIII". Of course it was from the one and only Bokuto. Akaashi's head shot up and turned towards the door. He also realised that he had been so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice he was fidgeting his fingers, as he always did when nervous.

"AKAAAAAAASHIIII WE WOOOOOOOONNN!!" He burst into the infirmary and rushed to Akaashi's side before engulfing him into a big Bokuto hug. Bokuto, being as strong as he is, was crushing Akaashi a little bit but he didn't mind.

"Hey hey hey, don't squeeze him too hard or you'll get the blood pouring out again~" Konoha joked as he popped into the infirmary as well. He stood by the foot of the bed Akaashi was sitting on.

"OH SHIT- Sorry Akaashi!" Bokuto apologised and seemed to finally worry about his arm. "Oh I forgot to ask, is your arm okay??" He stared at Akaashi with hope in his eyes.

He wanted Akaashi to be okay so that he could toss to him in the next match they'd have. Quite the selfish wish Bokuto has. Well, actually, that's what Akaashi thought Bokuto's reason for being worried was. He figured Bokuto only befriended him for his "amazing" toss, which he didn't find that special.

Akaashi quickly snapped out of his thoughts to answer Bokuto's question, "Ah, yes. The nurse bandaged my arm and gave me some painkillers to numb the pain. So you guys won?"

"Yea! Konoha managed to help score us two more points! You should've seen him! Too bad he didn't toss to me.." He pouted at Konoha, who just rolled his eyes.

"I see. Congratulations, guess we're moving on to play against the next team."

'No thanks to me' he added in his mind.

Akaashi kept his usual apathetic face as he spoke calmly and casually. As he always did. Acting and sounding like he was emotionless. Well, sometimes he wished he was. Acting like he didn't care. Even when he did.

"Yea! We're unstoppable!" Bokuto cheered.

He couldn't help but feel jealous. Jealous of how capable and well-rounded Konoha was. Jealous of how he was the one who pulled out two points for their team so effortlessly. Jealous he wasn't a failure like himself.

"Yea, well, you can't play, Akaashi. You need to rest your arm. Coach's orders," Konoha chimed in, "He also said no thinking about plays and strategies."

Akaashi was surprised to hear that. Konoha must have noticed his overthinking. Akaashi was even more surprised by his coach's orders. Sit out? Think about nothing? He couldn't. He needed to get onto the court. He needed to play. He needed to plan out his strategies. He looked down at his feet, hoping Konoha wouldn't be able to see his eyes brimmed disappointment.

Akaashi felt a gentle pat on his head. He looked up to see Bokuto grinning down at him. "Don't worry Akaashi! I'll be sure to win some points just for you!"

Akaashi gulped. His heart was suddenly beating faster. Why was it doing that? Why is he feeling.. embarrassed, yet, happy Bokuto said that? His confusion luckily didn't show on his face.

"That's nice, Bokuto-San.." He looked away and noticed Konoha smirking at him. Like he knew something. What was his problem? "Anyways, we should get going.." He quickly stepped away from Bokuto and exited the room as fast as he could.

Once he knew he was out of their sight, he ran into the handicap bathroom stall, the same one he had gone to originally. He leaned against the wall and buried his face in his hands. A blush was slowly creeping up onto him as he thought back on what happened in the infirmary.

"That idiot.. he always knows how to cheer me up
.." Akaashi mumbled to himself, smiling slightly. He took a deep breath, straightened himself up and looked at his reflection in the eyes.

"You're gonna do your best, you're gonna be your best," Akaashi gave himself a pep talk to get himself motivated. It didn't always work but he knew this one would, when he added behind a;

"For him"