"You belong to ME. I OWN you, remember?"
I don't know who is worse, the one that treats me like an object that can be thrown away at any moment once no longer proven useful or the one that wants to keep me locked up like a bird.
~
[Y/N...
He parted his lips to speak but hesitated with his response "I'm not sure to be honest...hopefully soon for your sake"
~
It's been a good while since I asked Garrison my question. We sat next to each other on the couch in silence. I boredly twirled the hem of my [clothing] in between my fingers. The fabric scrunched in my hand as I jolted up a bit when I heard the sound of doors being slammed open and angry yelling in German. Soon Audric came out with a scowl on his face with his brother following close behind him. Garrison let out an aspirated sighed as he stood up, "here we go again" I was going to question him about what we meant but ended up staying silent as both males started throwing objects and making them crash on the ground.
Audric stood at one end of the room while his brother stood on the opposite end. His brother said something in the foreign language and that seemed to set Audric off. What he said was beyond me. He glared at him with such tenacity as the atmosphere grew thicker by the seconds. He then did something that I didn't expect him to do. I watched in slight horror as he knocked over a tall and full bookshelf. It landed with a hard crash. Audric stood there huffing as his brother yelled, "And this is why dad doesn't fucking love you!"
The room was filled with brief silence and the air thickening. Audric lunged at him but was pulled back by the collar by Garrison. Garrison then proceeded to hull his ass out of there as Audric struggled to get out of his hold. I followed behind them and as I did so, Audric started knocking over things like vases perched on those stool things, picture frames- anything he can knock down. I tried fixing what Audric was trying to destroy on our way to the door to lessen the havoc both brothers caused, "nice meeting you Audric's brother. Sorry about the mess! Nice house!"
As soon as we stepped foot outside Audric tried going back in but Garrison reacted quicker than him. He closed the front door and held him in place by the shoulders, "you need to calm down. Now." Audric tried to get out of Garrison's grasp by hitting him but Garrison being the big behemoth man he is wasn't fazed by this.
"Calm. Down. Now." Audric struggled more against his firm grip.
"Did you not hear what he was saying to me??"
"I don't speak German" he said with heavy monotonous sarcasm as he held him in place.
Audric let out an agitated groan but held still as he managed to become levelheaded. Both men were still, one breathing normally with a stoic expression and the other gaining normalcy. It wasn't until now that I noticed their height difference. It was a gaping difference...and Audric is pretty tall.
"Are you calm now?" Garrison asked. Audric nodded. He let go and headed for the car while unlocking it with the black control followed by a soft honk. I followed behind Audric. He opened the door and let me go in first. He followed suit. Soon the car pulled out and we started going off to wherever I'm being dragged to with them. 'it's a good thing I don't own any pets or they'd be badly malnourished by how much I haven't been home. I hope all my outdoor "pets" are ok. I hope my raccoon "babies" are ok...they should be. They're survivors'
I turned to look at Audric since he was scrapping the car's leather seat with his very short nails.
"I didn't know you had a brother"
"He's an ass. I don't like to talk about him"
He stared out the window as he kept scrapping his nails against the seat. Weave your web. I looked down to his hand then to his turned away face. I placed my hand over the active one. He turned to look at me with a soft perplexed expression "I guess you don't like your family either, huh?" He didn't answer me as his perplexed expression left and he continued looking out the window. Weave the damn web. He didn't move his hand away from mine. I reached over and hugged him. His body tensed for a moment then relaxed as he embraced my affection. We stayed like that for awhile, me in his arms as I hoped oxytocin worked its way through his brain. I went to pull away but he held me in place. I readjusted myself in his arms so I wouldn't be uncomfortable then met Garrison's gaze through the rearview mirror. He looked at me disappointed then back to the road. I need to get out of this debt faster Garrison. I'm living in constant fear. Please don't think less of me.
~
We got to Audric's house and pulled into the driveway and I didn't hesitate to say my goodbyes, "bye Audric" I said hoping he'll get the hint and let me go home. He unbuckled himself and looked at me "I want you to stay with me" I looked down to my lap to hide my annoyance "...I need to go home-" "stay with me" he sounded a bit desperate, which is very rare since he comes off as a cocky asshole. Weave the fucking web. I meet his gaze "ok"
~
"Why'd you want me to stay?" I asked him as I sat on the all too familiar big bed. He didn't say anything as he hugged me again, making my face being smushed against his chest. I turned my head to the side to be able to breath properly and be comfortable.
Give a mouse a cookie and he'll ask for more, right?
"...are you ok?"
"What do you mean?" He slightly pulled away.
"You're showing vulnerability and I didn't ever picture you being cable of showing emotions" he let out a breathy chuckle, the type that expresses distress.
"Just stop talking" his tone wasn't harsh. Tired.
"There's the asshole I know"
"Stop talking"
~
The room was dark after he gave me some clothes to change into and he himself changed from his suit to comfier clothes. I laid on my back as he was resting above me, his head laid nestled on top of my chest as my fingers ran through his hair. A soft content sigh left his lips as I kept my fingers through his soft locks. He didn't try anything sexual, he just wanted plain, simple, innocent affection. Something most people crave in their weak points or when they've had a lack of it growing up. He is fragile. Vulnerable. Insecure. Whatever his brother said to him must've really hurt his esteem causing him to revert to a frangible boy.
This ego he has on display, the one I'm familiar with along with others, must be a way to compensate for emotional abuse he's been through by his brother or father even. It's definitely not on the level of superiority complex but it's still enough for him to be an ass.
I need to use this to my advantage. I need to use his insecurities in my favor to have him wrapped around my finger, to have him bend to my will. I need to coax him into thinking I'm his safe haven, the arms he can come crawling to when he feels like breaking. I need to get rid of this horrid debt and this will help me. Use him. Once that is accomplished and my debt is gone forever, I can slowly drift away from him and forget this nightmare.... or stay with him to help fix him and maybe even have the life I've always wanted, always fantasized about when I was little.
"I'll be here for you, Audric. I won't ever hurt you"
He hugged me tighter. He's stuck to the web.
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~
My mom told me that a sleep deprived brain acts like it's high. Then she proceeded to tell me that this is why me, all my friends and my generation acts like crackheads. Then she told me that if I wanted to get high to just not sleep and I'll get the same effect- affect, ehh who knows the difference?
