Nicknames (SkepHalo)

Chapter one

Warning,

Okay, this is a warning I thought I should place. This fanfiction deals with the topic of body dysphoria and Eating disorders. If you get easily offended or triggered by those topics I'd suggest clicking away and that I have another SkepHalo fanfiction you can read on my page.

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"Fatty" it was a childish insult used far to often, Zak gently pulled up his hoodie the mirror reflecting the teen's slim frame. The boy's eyes drew towards his abdomen looking at the small pouch of a belly barely pocking out. Taking in a deep breath before exhaling quickly to suck in, tightening his core as he withdrew his stomach as much as he could. The pouch disappeared into the boy, nothing but a little bit of tummy that everyone had. "Fatty" oh how childish it sounded as it repeated in the teen's head constantly playing like a broken record as he heard the voices of his two friends joking around with the "nickname" as Darryl excused it for.

Relaxing, letting himself breath normally, he cringed watching his stomach expand before being sucked back in with each breath. Was he really fat? Am I fat? The question repeated over and over a broken repetition. Moving his free hand, grabbing at the small bit of stomach he had pinching it between his fingers feeling disgusted as he touched it. Wrong, that's all that it could be described as.

Squeezing down ignoring the painful sting as his nails dug into his skin wishing he could cut the fat away. It's sad the way our minds manipulate us as the teen looked wearingly at himself feeling disgusted. A feeling of fatigue filled the boy as he let his hoodie fall back over his mid sighing softly directing his eyes to look up. Running a hand through dark locks, tugging at the ends of each strand before turning to his gaming set up.

It was different, he wouldn't have to worry about his family hearing him as he played games nor when he shouted on calls. The apartment felt empty, it was a cheap place no more than eight hundred a month, well that was until you added in your utilities. Sitting in his gaming chair, pushing himself carefully to spin as he thought about the offer Darryl had placed about moving in with him. It would be a lie to say the teen didn't consider the offer, but Zak knew he'd be nothing but a nuisance to the man not wanting to cause any grief for the smaller Youtuber.

He had met Darryl for the first time not to long ago, shocked when he found out he had only lived just shy of over an hour away, having helped the teen pack up his old room when the man found out about Zak moving wanting to offer any help he could to lighten up the load on the boy.

Zak felt himself relax into the chair feeling the empty space behind him, slouching in the chair as he stared at his monitor. He had promised to play with Vincent and Darryl today as they started up a survival series so their trio channel would have some more content again. Pushing the chair towards the desk, signing himself into his computer as he pulled up discord clicking their chat as he fired off a message asking then they would be ready to play.

Zak hoped when they would begin recording Darryl would hopefully have forgotten about that little "nickname" the teen feeling like a child for letting it affect him so much, wondering if he was just naïve or if his eyes had been open to truth his mind as been denying. Waiting patiently, opening a separate tab opening up chrome before typing in the hot bar.

"Low-calorie meals"

And within a second the page lit up, google supplying thousands of answers. Scrolling to the next page clicking randomly as he opened the first thing to catch his eyes. The page took a moment to load before pulling up a very simple looking website with the header being a basic font causing Zak to raise a brow as it wasn't an average blog like the ones that got printed in magazines talking about miracle fad diets or which celebrity lost weight the quickest, no this was different looking almost outdated.

"Take the next step" the header read, Zak clicking on the learn more bar that had been highlighted with a link before it pulled up a new part of the website. His heart ached as he read the title, "take a step to a skinner you" then it had clicked, and all it took was a few words in for the teen to clue into what the website was. He had dealt with poor eating as a child, being heavily picky about what he ate before his sister introduced him to foods he could actually stand and throughout high school that picky eater had suddenly begun to eat all types of foods branching to different ethnic foods.

"Anorexia, it's not a disorder it's a lifestyle" Swallowing thickly, feeling his stomach pit knowing he should click away but he couldn't, he should be disgusted at what was being fed into his head, knowing this would be a mistake. But oh, was the way the website described being weightless, it made Zak feel like he could, no he would be happier if he listened; it was a lifestyle after all. 

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Authors note,

I want to stress Eating disorders are not a lifestyle.

Everyone's who has experience an ED is different, I'm drawing off of things that happened to me when I was dealing with and ED and when I was so, please do not try and correct how I am writing the views on this as it is a controversial topic at times.

If you have or are dealing with an eating disorder please reach out to someone my DMS is always open and I can help find you a support outlet if you need, from anything to and eating disorder, body or gender dysphoria.

But anyways I hope you enjoyed the first chapter sorry for my long notes but I felt it had to be written, thank you darlings and I will see you all in the next chapter