Scared | Albert Hammond Jr. fic

Yours To Keep (2/2)

"Ro, please open the door," his voice sounds different now. Still deep and gentle, but more urgent somehow.

I can hear the door handle jiggling. I want to let him in, in more ways than one, but I can't. I don't want to hurt him. This is my burden, not his. But by now, he probably knows something's up. It's not like I regularly lock myself in the bathroom with the lights turned off. Albert isn't dumb, he always seems to know when I'm not feeling well, even when I don't tell him so. He tends to notice when I'm not around too, like now. It hasn't even been ten minutes since I left the bed, yet he seemed to wake up almost right after I got up.  Sometimes I worry I'm not hiding my emotions as well as I think, and that he knows, but he hasn't pushed me to talk about things. He's asked before, and has told me that he's there for me, but lots of people say that. Very few people ever actually mean it.

Not that I think he doesn't mean it ... I just don't want to risk hurting or alienating him by admiting that I'm depressed. My mother has always told me that she's here for me, but whenever I've tried talking to her about my problems she seems to take it personally. Like I'm trying to hurt her on purpose or something, which couldn't be farther from the truth. This leads to arguing, which lead to me regreting ever saying anything. One time she even suggested that I go shopping to 'make myself feel better'. She just doesn't get it at all. My sadness goes far deeper than that. My life is lacking something and no amount of shoes or lipsticks can make that feeling go away for good.

"I'll be out in a minute, honey," I say, wiping away the tears from my face. Fucking hell, I need to pull myself together. It's almost six in the morning and I need to at least try to get some sleep.

Suddenly, I hear Albert lean harshly against the door. He makes a strange sound, something quiet and muffled. I'm not one hundred percent sure but it sounds a bit like a cry to me. Which I know seems unlikely since I've never even seen Albert cry.

He moves away from the door and for a moment I think he might have gone back to bed. I'm both relieved and slightly disappointed by this.

But then I hear Albert shuffling around in our bedroom, and when he comes back towards the bathroom door, he sits down on the floor and leans up against it from the outside.

"So ... this is something I've been working on lately. It's not perfect yet, but ... anyway, just listen."

Almost immediately after he says that, I start to hear Albert strumming his guitar. This perks me up a little-- I always love hearing him play solo, especially when it's just the two of us. Albert may not have the most spectacular voice in the world, but it's still a voice worth listening to. His music is full of heart and soul.

You know that something inside of you
Still plays a part in what I do always, I'm here for you
I think that if we were all we had
That's more than most people ever have
Anyway, oh, anyway, you can stay here

I know you're still there because you're scared
That you'll lose everybody
I know you're still there because you're scared
That you'll lose everything
I know you're still there because you're scared

I'm here if you're scared to go through
Anything, just reach out in front of you, always, won't you stay near?
So close, we played it as if we cared
Don't stop, now that we're almost there, anyway, oh, I'm here for you

He knows. He's probably known all along. And here I thought I was hiding everything so well. But Albert definitely knows, that much is obvious. This song is about me, it's about us.

Oh, God. I can't fucking believe he wrote me a song. If I wasn't a complete sobbing mess already, I would be now. The song isn't even over yet but it's still the most beautiful piece of music I've ever heard in my life.