Eye to eye, heart to heart

Chapter 5: The Hospital

I woke to the sound of beeping, coughs and loud voices. I slowly fluttered my eyes open, the room was dimly lit so it made it easy for my eyes to adjust. I glanced up to see Aaron sleeping in a what looked to be very uncomfortable chair. I was surrounded by white walls and curtains and the consistent beeping of my monitor. I stirred in my bed and it woke Aaron,
"Hey," he said rushing out of his chair to grab my hand and squeeze it,
"I'm so glad your ok" he smiled, his voice still raspy from being asleep. I closed my eyes and rested my head back down on the pillow smiling, I patted the empty bed next to me for him to sit. He slowly moved towards me and sat on the bed, he spread his legs out next mine and put one foot over the other. Still holding my hand he used his other hand to brush a loose strand of hair behind my ear then he kissed my forehead lovingly, lingering there for a second. I rested my head on his shoulder and we sat there in silence, it didn't take long for me to drift off into a deep sleep.
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I woke expecting to still be on Aaron's shoulder but I wasn't, I was alone resting on my pillow. I slowly opened my eyes to the sound of his voice, seeing him and the rest of the team talking to one doctor. My doctor. I heard a faint 'you can see her, but go easy' he emphasised the word easy. As they entered the room I sat up struggling but maintaining a genuine smile. They all had sympathetic smiles but they approached the bed one by one trying not to overwhelm me. Reid came up first,
"Hi" he whispered, his voice cracking before he dropped down onto the bed and embracing me in a tight hug.
"Hi" I replied weakly but joyfully rubbing my hands up and down his back reassuringly. He gave me a shy, boyish smile like he always did and walked away to give me some space before another person approached. Morgan came up to the bed and wrapped his muscly arms around me.
"You ok?" He asked showing true concern.
"I'm fine" I smiled at him as he let go of me. He gave me his famous, charming smile which warmed me up inside. Before Prentiss got to my bed I said,
"I'm so glad you're all here!" The smile on my face growing every second, they really were my family. Prentiss kept her distance while checking up on me, she wasn't as open or affectionate as the boys were. She was like Hotch, who stood in the back corner the whole time just watching. Rossi advanced towards me with his usual smirk plastered on his face.
"Hey kiddo, how you feeling?" He asked dotingly while sitting on the foot of my bed.
"I'm happy but, well it's painful." I sighed clutching my side, when I did Hotch's demeanour tightened, he really cared. Garcia was the last one to approach me, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Oh jayje! Don't scare me like that!" She let the tears stream down her face as she pulled me into a long, tight hug. She and I both started smiling and we all sat and chatted, I had been in hospital for 2 days. After an hour or so everyone left, except for Hotch who was discussing my condition with the doctor in the hall. When the doctor walked away I saw Hotch nod and say thank you. He walked into my room with a generally happy facial expression but no smile.
"What's going on?" I asked curiously.
"You're doing really well..you're healthy and they think you can leave tonight" He said trying to brush me off.
"What's wrong?" I asked my face turning serious. He looked down then squeezed my hands once again but pulling away quickly this time. He sunk down into the chair across from my bed and leant forward towards me. He took a deep breath in, then out and started to speak softly, I had to strain my ears to hear him.
"Before you got shot...you were...you were pregnant and the bullet, well you lost it..." He finished looking up into my eyes, I felt the tears building in my eyes. He swallowed back his emotions, trying not to cry, trying to stay strong.
"It's my fault," he said crawling onto the bed next to me wrapping his arms around me, he let a few tears out but he didn't lose it. By that time I was weeping, I completely let go which caused Aaron to hold me tighter . My side was beginning to hurt but I had only registered what he said now.
"What do you mean it was your fault?" I asked choking back sobs. He looked into my eyes desperate for something to click but it didn't.
"You know when I was talking to someone behind you?"
"Yeah..." I answered slowly, still confused.
"There was no one there, I was trying to distract him so I could shoot him, when he turned it didn't look like his finger was on the trigger... I guess it was because well" he looked down at my abdomen which was wrapped in a bandage, when he looked back up to meet my eyes he looked sorry, like I was disappointed in him. I shook my head and thought about what he had said.
"This was not your fault Aaron, you saved me, I was the one who didn't check the closet it was my stupid mistake, it was my fault,"
"JJ don't do that to yourself there's no way you could have known, it was not your fault." He looked at me with pure love and compassion in his eyes. I looked at my stomach and covered it with both my hands, the tears were burning at the back of my eyes again. I felt a sudden wave of longing crash over me as I realised what could have been. I sat and held my stomach for a second then whispered 'I'm sorry' to the baby that would have been ours. Hotch pulled me in to him wrapping himself around my body so that I was completely embraced in his hug. We stayed still, silent for a while, I just wanted to go home. Hotch detangled himself from me slowly and carefully trying not to wake me but I wasn't asleep, just as he was off the bed I grabbed his hand.
"Where are you going?"
"To see the doctor" he smiled. After a few minutes Aaron and the doctor both walked to the foot of my bed together the doctor spoke,
"Your vitals are good and you're clear to go home, you will need to take some painkillers and redress the bandage twice a day, that will take at least one more person I suggest that someone stays with you for at least the next week." He smiled before glancing at Hotch nodding goodbye and walking out.
"Thankyou doctor" I called as he walked out of the room. I tried to ease out of my bed unsuccessfully, I attempted it again and winced at the pain I caused myself. Hotch ran over straight away helping me into the wheelchair the doctor gave me to get to the car, once I was in securely Hotch wheeled me out of the hospital and to the car. Once we were at his car he offered me his hand and as I took it he pulled me up out of the chair and put me into the passenger seat. Hotch wheeled the chair back to the entrance of the hospital where an orderly took it off his hands. He walked back taking big strides, his tie flying in the wind. He slid into the driver's seat next to me and started the car. We didn't speak the whole drive home, I stared blankly out the window just watching everything pass by.