Honestly *ON HOLD*

Him

serendipity
(n.) finding something good without looking for it

               My name is Hera Persephone Jones, after the Greek goddesses and my mother's last name. My mom was interested in the extraterrestrial at the time I was born, which now, she is not. My life is pretty stabile right now. I have an amazing boyfriend, Evan. No, my life does not revolve around him, but I wouldn't mind if it did. I'm still in college, getting my nurse's degree. I plan to become a doctor, but baby steps, as my mom says. Evan graduated a year ago and is currently shadowing his father who runs a financial company. I'm 22 years old, and Evan's 26. My life is all set out in front of me and I love it, I think.
"Bade, come on, we're going to be late. You could show up in sweatpants and they would still love you, and you would still look amazing." Evan calls out from downstairs. We're going to his parents for dinner, I've met them before, but I still want to make sure everything is perfect. I walk down the stairs, enjoying the clicking of my navy heels that match my navy and yellow dress.
"How do I look?" I ask as I twirl in front of Evan.
"Good enough to eat." He reply's with a smirk, grabbing, causing me spin into him. I giggle at his movements as he starts to kiss sensually against my neck. 
"Evan, come on, we can do this later, we can't be late." I reason as I pull away to grab my purse.
"But I want to do it now!" He pouts. Just like a baby, aww.
"Aw, well lets make a deal, you be good and we can do whatever you want later, okay?" I inquire.
"Anything?"
"Anything." He rapidly nods his head as I laugh gently at him before leaving my little condo and locking up.
I hop into Evan's Mercedes-Benz and he starts up the car. I immediately connect my phone to the Bluetooth, no offense but radio music usually sucks. Going to my favorites play list, I hit shuffle.
'Right now, I'm shameless
Screamin' my lungs out for ya
Not afraid to face it
I need you more than I want to'
I start shouting the lyrics, thank god for Camila and her songs.
"Turn that down a bit." Evan commands with a bit of attitude, but I still listen, I mean it is his car.
His parents are only a five minute drive from my place, so we're there in no time. As we pull up, I apply another coat of lip gloss, a nervous habit of mine. I really shouldn't be as nervous as I am, it's just I have this weird feeling in my stomach, like somethings going to happen. I know most people would say that's just your gut instinct, but I'm not one of those people who rely on such things so it's weird to now. I step out of the car as a swift breeze flys over my shoulders, causing me to shiver a bit. Evan leads me up to the door where he knocks.
"Honey get the door, its probably Evan and Hera!" I hear Mrs. Mills call somewhere throughout the house.
"Okay hun." Mr. Mills replies before opening the door for us. I just love their relationship, even after 67 years. That's how I hope to be with my someone special *wink wink* *cough-Evan-cough*. "Oh my, come on in, my dear your shivering, here let me get you a blanket." Mr. Mills overreacts as we come in, Evan first of course.
"Oh, Mr. Mills, thank you, but I'm perfectly fine." I wave him off. He smiles at me before leading us to the dining room where Mrs. Mills was setting the final touches to the table. She looks up as we enter and sends a secretive smile over in Evan's direction, but I don't think twice about it. Once everyone was seated at the table, a maid brought us each small salads. Small talk filled the air.
"How are you're studies, Hera?" Mr.Mills asked me as my mind vaguely registered Mrs.Mills asking Evan about his plans in a hushed tone.
"Tiring, but nothing I can't handle." I reply swiftly as I pick at my food. The queasy feeling in my stomach was making this night quite uncomfortable.
"And grades? I assume all good." He laughs knowing me too well.
"You know, only the best for me." I join in on his laugh, and it seems for a moment the unneeded feeling is gone. The night seems to linger on longer than necessary but I'm not directly complaining. Our conversations went form school to how many kids I want, that one came with a lot of blushing and Evan trying to shut up his mother, to the current political problems. Mrs. Mills told me about her secret recipes that she would show me once midterms were over. After a wonderful dinner and two flutes of champagne, we were on the way back.

toska
(n.) a dull ache of the soul, a sick pining,
a spiritual anguish

               Once home, Evan eagerly recalls the promise I made earlier. "You do remember what you promised me right?" Evan asked as I was taking off my heels.
"Yes, of course, but go shower first, you smell like your dad." Evan laughed as I wrinkled my nose, being as dramatic as I am.
He started to undress to get into the shower as I had asked him, "you better be ready once I get out." With that he was in the bathroom. I rolled my eyes and started to take down my hair and take off my makeup when a faint ding was heard. Simply, I ignored it, it was probably Mrs. Mills texting one of us, asking if we got home okay. Once I was fresh faced and hand no jewelry, I changed into Evan's favorite night ware set. His phone dinged again, then again, then a third time in a row. Getting annoyed, I walked over to his side of the bed, where his phone lay. His notifications just said there was a message, no who it was from nor what it said. Finding this strange, I quickly unlocked his phone, I may or may not be experienced in hacking from my youth. I stood appalled as I looked at the messages in the Notification Center.
Nicki
Honey, how was the dinner, I know how much of a bore she is. Do you want to come over to my place tonight?
Now I'm thinking about you, and all the things you'll do to me
I think I may have been a bad girl
I might need to be taught a lesson, sir
Then there was a set a pictures. Quickly, I lock his phone back up and set it where it was. Just moments later, Evan came out from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist, smirking. "You ready?" He asks, not actually caring if I was ready or not.
"Actually, I know I promised you, but I'm feeling really sick right now." I, in reality, was not my best so it wasn't too difficult to play off. "Now since I think about it, I did miss my birth control a couple times a few weeks ago." Lies, I would never. His faces pales to the whitest shade a man can have without being dead.
Now he's going to leave me, with a child,  for a girl that calls him sir.
I throw my hand to my mouth and race to the bathroom, leaving  Evan frozen in his tracks. I, without much difficulty, throw up dinners contents. Just the thought of Evan with her, then with me, I'm gaging in seconds. Evan, having finally got his wit back, came into the bathroom with a glass of water and an ice pack. Gladly take the items, not so glad about the person who is giving them to me.
"You should go." I say as kindly as I can mutter.
"Are you sure?" He looks as if he wants to bolt out of here, but knows to at least ask. Giving him a swift nod, I drain the drink and hold the ice to my head. He's gone before I could nod twice.
I could already feel the grim, ghastly, gnawing feeling growing in my gut. This was going to be a long treacherous night.
I look myself into the mirror, and I look absolutely horrible. My hair was in a messy bus, but not the kind that look cute, the hobo kind. My face was paler than it should be and I had throw up reminisce on my mouth. One of my lingerie's spaghetti strap sleeve was hanging off my shoulder. I repeat, I look horrible.
Then the tears started. I don't cry often, so when I do, I cry. It felt like my heart was being torn in two, but looking in the mirror, at myself, I realized how pathetic this is. People get cheated on all the time. I wiped the few tears that had raced out of my eyes and steadied myself. Control yourself, control your emotions.
I threw off the uncomfortable lingerie and tossed on some sweats, to complete my horrid look. It was only when I lay in bed, a few minutes later, making no more energy to do anything, did I remind my self. Just because it happens all the time, doesn't make it hurt any less. Just that tiny thought sent me over the edge. I was bawling. Cradling my pillow, I cried my heart out to the point I couldn't focus from the headache. I love Evan, or I suppose loved, or well I guess I do still love him for now, I'm just hurt, I thought we were end game. I guess not. I cried for what seemed like hours before my sniffles slowly nurse me to sleep.
        I didn't dream of him. Instead, I dreamed of water, surrounding me, as I slowly let go of the bathtub edges, sinking into the deep dark ocean from my home, sinking into the darkness with open arms.