What I Think

Venting my feelings

I would just LOVE to do something different and extraordinary and fun! Just to get out of my own comfort zone a little bit and see what happens. But no. I can't do that. Because 1, no one will support me or stand with me. 2, I have no way to do anything because no one will let me. And 3, if I do something that I would love to do, there's always people who make fun of me and judge me and think what I'm doing is wrong or stupid.

But I'd honestly love nothing more than anything to be able to go outside of my comfort zone and do something spontaneous and adventurous! But I can't....I feel like a caged bird...not to sound cliche or poetic or anything...but I am that little bird...I just want to be able to jump off the edge (literally sometimes) and just fly away into the unknown and just be free ya know? I see people everywhere having the times of their lives! And I'm stuck behind a computer 24/7...

I would just love to live. Make a difference, be different from the world, and stand out. But I'm normal. Who wants to be normal? I'm not saying I want to be famous or anything, being super famous you might not have much freedom either. But I just want to be able to live life to the fullest and break the borders of normality. You could ask anyone who has met me before and they would definitely say that I'm 'far from normal' but in this case, that's not what I mean by “Not being normal.”

I wish I could travel the world, of course I'd need a passport for that, and more that a dollar and forty-six cents. I want to explore new places, try new things, be an influence on others! But instead my life revolves around, complaining to others about anything and everything, being grounded constantly for not finishing my chores and/or school work, watching anime (which is my favorite thing to do) listening to music, reading, and taking random online quizzes. I just wish to break my chains and become new again and ask questions, and discover new things...

I obviously love to write. I also love to read, but there is more to life that just being alone all the time. Long enough to begin writing my feelings down and reading random stuff. Not that I don't enjoy it, but I'd rather spend some of my free time doing other things while I still can. While life is still an option for me and my loved ones, I would love to actually live life, and define the meaning of it. Because all I ever do is think about death. When are we going to die? When am I going to die? How am I going to die? Can I just hurry up and kill myself now just so I can be free? 'Living isn't being free...' I said. But I was wrong. Living is called 'Living' for a reason. And that is because you're actually supposed to live. Some things I've never told but a few people are that I'm depressed, suicidal, and just plain confused. I've never told any one really because they will all tell me that “It's just a phase, you're fine, it's just your hormones kicking in.” But no. I don't believe that one bit.

I feel depressed all the time because of all that has happened to me. I know that I'm young and that I shouldn't be depressed or anything, and that I should be happy because I'm young and I'm not even moved out of my parents house yet. But depression comes in all shapes and sizes for all ages, genders, and religions. Also, just because I'm a Christian, doesn't mean I don't go through struggles. It just means that I'll have more struggles because I know the truth, yet I ignore it at times. Life is nothing but paths. I know I'm starting to sound like a teacher or mentor right now, but I'm serious so please bare with me. Life is nothing but paths, obstacles, and tests. As you're making your way down your path, you're going to realize that things aren't always easy, nor does everything take side in your favor. And here's the thing about paths, you're either running down them or through them, walking, or you haven't yet decided which one you're going to take. Notice I said “which ONE you're going to take.” You can only choose one. No one else should choose it for you, but anyways back to running or walking it.