Everything from Nothing

Chapter 6

BANG!! A sudden bash to head wakes me from my deep sleep and I find myself on the cold wooden floor.
"BITCH! Sleeping through your alarm huh?! HUH?!" I scramble backwards until my back is pressed up against my bed, then I wince as the pain in my back shoots trough my shaking body,  and I cower in the corner, hoping it may stop by brother from hurting me..... But of course it won't.
"ANSWER ME! YOU-" He goes to grab me but I look away so to not see the angry expression on my brothers face as he breaks me even more than I already was. To my surprise, I don't encounter the pain I was expecting. Instead, I open my eyes that were scrunched shut just a second ago to see an expectant face peering down at me, his eyes burning straight through me. 
"I- I- I err- didn't sleep well so, I- I'm tired- I - I didn't mean to sleep through it- I-I promise!"
"I love it when you squirm! All worried I'm going to hurt you. Nearly in tears! It makes my day knowing there's somebody out there with a life more worthless than mine."
"Wait, your- your life's not-" I take in a deep breath, "Your life isn't worthless." 
"Ahh, aha! I like your style sis! Sucking up, hoping I'll let you off without a scratch!" He grabs me by the collar and gives me a huge kiss on the forehead, then throws me back onto the floor, making my heart sink. 
I thought that, if he saw that I don't completely hate him, he wouldn't hurt me. And I know that this sounds crazy, but I don't. I don't hate him. I know I should but, but he's my brother, so no matter how rough things get, I still love him, no matter how much he hurts me... 

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I sit on the floor thinking. Thinking about what my life would be like if it was different. If 'he' didn't... you know, if I had more friends, if my parents cared. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be different. Maybe even then I would be lonely and hurt. Maybe my life is just meant to be this way. In a way, some weird twisted way, I'm glad my life is like this. If it wasn't, somebody else's would be and I know my life is crappy and I can learn to live with that, but I think the one thing I wouldn't be able to stand, is if it was somebody else that was going through it. And anyway, it stops me from being one of those snobby girls that bullies people because they don't wear enough make up or something petty like that. Anyway, time to face yet another dreadful day at school.... at least it better than home. At least I think so anyway. I'm dreading seeing Theo today. I mean, I was just beginning to trust him and there was a possibility that we could become friends and I blew it! I over reacted yesterday evening and now all my chances of him ever being my friend are gone! I don't think I've ever had a real friend before... well, I did but... that's the past. Right, school. Walking through that school gate has never seemed so nerve-racking. I can literally feel my hands shaking with nerves. It's ridiculous! I've never felt so anxious just about having to face somebody (that's excluding my brother of course). I look around the school for about 15 minutes instead of spending my usual time in the library reading or catching up on homework. But I don't find Theo. Maybe I really hurt him in some way flipping out like that and he just couldn't face me. I'm about to give up when all of a sudden, I see him, rushing in the gate with a smile on his face. It makes a weight on my shoulders lift and I suddenly feel complete seeing the contentment on his face. But then he sees me and his smile dissipates, his eyes look suddenly sad..... the weight is back on.

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dftba x