until I'm empty: short poems

love pt. 2

love // a problem

sometimes i think
i am too hard to love
but sometimes i think more clearly
and i realise
that's just because i have too much
of a hard time
loving others

love // a paradox

sometimes i fear
i do not carry enough
love around, do not have
enough to give,
so i'll surround myself
with less and less people
and i give less and less
and i start carrying less
and less, because why
would i take something so
heavy, with not enough people
to give it to?

love // a mistake

so you were kind to me
and i mistook the warmth i felt
for love

love // more than the sharing of laughter

i used to think
love was just having a good time together
i liked being with them
so i must love them
but love is a way of giving that
is so much more
than the sharing of laughter
i am so sorry
to them
that i've just learned that now

love // i could be in

maybe i'm not
yet
but i could be in
love
if i tried hard enough

love // i wish

i wish i could mean more to you, i wish
i knew how to make our friendship more
solid, or add more
trust, or show more
love, but
i don't know how to make anything grow
that needs more than a few drops of water
now and then

love // how much pain

i ask you,
do you love me?
and you say yes

i ask you,
if you could choose
to stop loving me,
would you?
and you say yes

i never realised how much pain i caused you

love // a conclusion

so maybe i am not good at love
most people say, it doesn't hurt
to try, but for me it definitely did.
for you even more.

love // no way to live

he said i want love but i don't
want the painful side of it
i want to love and be able to choose
not to love anymore
i want to turn my back and say, no,
you go, when i need it
and maybe he would need it
but that is no way to live

love // hard work

love was never supposed to be easy,
they say, love is always hard work.

and i'm just not sure i want it that way
because if all love takes this much out of me
maybe i don't need any at all

love // bad lover

our love is measured in
how good do you make me feel?
why? because i don't now how
to measure care
or because i don't want to