Letters To An Almost Lover

01 : Lovesick

Lovesick
Tell me my love
Where are you roaming
I've searched the high and low lands
To find you nowhere in sight

How is it written in our fate for our circumstances
To be so alike yet
Our outcome lingers in such disdain
I shed a hundred tears
Awaiting the crack of dawn
Only to be told you would never return
Not even in a million years

I'd have to settle for the emptiness
A world without you my love
And for all eternity I shall miss
The tenderness of your voice and
The touch of your fingertips
How long
Till I shall be allowed to love again
Till the summer nights that I feel warm again
And the day that I get to see you again

I meant to love you till the end of time
But now I'm giving you the match
To set what we never had on flames
Let it burn and heighten
The remains of our love
Shall rise like ashes in the air
Leave me with the best to reminisce
Our beginning not our end

Dear Alex,

It's been 103 days since you broke my fragile & delicate heart. And naturally I'm beginning to forget the brief adrenaline rush and exultation you once made me feel. I'm letting it all go and watching it blow in the wind. Believe me I've tried  desperately hard to forget you, but I fail miserably each time. And every now and then a familiar tune comes along and it takes me back to when we first started. I still keep the mixtape you played me when we were in your car. But I can't bring myself to listen to it, for I know I will begin to miss you so terribly. My mind continues to subconsciously drift to the thought of you, though this time i don't catch myself smiling like I used to. I still remember how I used to feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I caught sight of you. But now we walk these halls with our heads hung low, determined to avoid each other's gaze. And it hurts me that this is how we ended up. But I don't blame you for choosing to walk away. For I think I understand it now. The universe may have permitted us to meet and the stars may have aligned in celebration of this joyous occasion. But love is unpredictable. And I realise now that I never knew you enough to have called it love, but rather it could've been love, if only we'd gone just a mile further. Oh, but you must understand how terribly fond I am of you and how much I adore you. For in your eyes I saw endless possibilities. I saw the horizon and vast green land that presumably lead to freedom. I saw the universe that continued to dance around all that heavy sadness it held.

Being in love with the idea of you made me feel alive.

I didn't have to close my eyes to feel like I was living in a dream. I've had a million visions of how you and I could've turned out. And although that was no doubt incredibly feeble, it was fantastic for I once thought that one day it might very well turn into reality. And I would've loved to have met you earlier, or perhaps even some years later, for time has played villain in our story. Now figures in the crowd remind me of you, for I search for you in every stranger I meet. I was desperately trying to mend the broken pieces you left behind, but I couldn't seem to find the needle and thread in all this mess. And that made me understand, that what isn't meant to be won't stand the test of time. I'm only afraid that someday we would both look back on this, and wonder if we could've done things differently. And when that time comes it would be all too late. But for now we will continue to grow older. Without each other. And I will continue to miss you for however long time permits, for the scars you left me may very well take all eternity to heal.

Thinking of you so fondly x
Arabella