Your forever is all that I need ~ kellic

2 ~ new beginings

September 4th
Fuck.
I am not prepared for this.
Whoever decided that 6 weeks was a long enough break from all the fake ass bitches and asshole douchebags has got some fucking problems. Only 6 weeks to write some sweet music and escape the constant pressures of humanity is not even close to enough! Like seriously c'mon, I could easily spend another 3 years happily isolated inside my bedroom with nothing but music for company. But no, apparently I need to learn about shitty selfish dead people and Pythagoras theorem.

It's not even like in going back to the same hell hole I was at last year. That's right, I'm gunna be the annoying ass new kid. Yay. I can't wait to hear a whole new group of people complain about my swearing habits, high voice and "emo" hair. Oh, and best of all I get to leave behind the only person I've ever given two shits about, Matty. Matty :) even thinking about that boy brings the most awkward smile to my face. Ugh I miss him so fucking much. He was the one who originally got me into music, he changed my life so much that it's kinda unreal to even think about and honestly, I only think we started talking to each other because we were both rejects.

So after snoozing my alarm a grand total of 6 fucking times, I finally gathered up the strength to crawl out of my bed. I did the usual, brushed my teeth, had a piss, got dressed, skipped breakfast. But then I did something that I hadn't done since I gave a shit. I faced myself in the mirror and just looked. This is how countless other people are going to see me for the first time. This is what people are going to make instant snap judgements about me from. My overgrown black hair. My fairly pale skin. My skinnies. My over sized shirt. My scars.

Oh shit, my scars.
Maybe spending so long alone in a room with a blade isn't such a good thing. I glared at them from a while, admiring the new ones, missing the old ones, counting them, regretting them, loving them. I don't understand why they meant so much to me, but they did, in the most ironic way, I suppose that they made me feel alive. Slicing a razor through my flesh was just the most painfully refreshing thing I could ever imagine and I was addicted to cutting like it was cocaine. Eventually though, I decided that I wasn't prepared to be known as a suicidal freak show just yet and yanked on the first jacket I could find, my only jacket really. Then I left.

The school was fucking huge. It genuinely looked like one of the stero typical nightmare schools that you see in chick flicks. There was everything that you'd expect, jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, fakes, a couple of goths and others. Others being the people who would play the extras in the film. Personally, I would be very content on being an extra, no pressure, no drama, no bullshit.

Realising that I had no fucking idea where anything was here, I went over to the first person I saw that didn't look like a complete fag.
"Hey, uh excuse me." I said, being the awkward twat that I am.
He turned around, "oh, hi"
"Yeah Umm, I'm new here, could you tell me where Mrs. Smiths classroom is?"
"It's quite a while away." He explained, "uh it'll probably be easier if I just show you. What's your name?"
"Kellin." Great, he's probably going to try and befriend me now.
"Oh well hi kellin, I'm gabe"