Your forever is all that I need ~ kellic

3 ~ whiney bitch

September 9th

It happened, I have been befriended.

That Gabe guy basically wouldn't leave me alone, not that I'd asked him to leave me alone. Honestly I don't see why he's even bothering trying to be my friend, it's not exactly like I'm even showing any signs of being interesting in any shape or from. Honestly though he just probably wants to make himself look more popular, as he's actually only got one friend, some kid called Justin. But whatever, fuck it, it's the weekend now and I'm just where I like to be, alone in my room, with nothing but my thoughts and music to keep me company.

//buzz buzz//

Who the fuck is messaging me. Slowly, I forced my body out of the perfectly comfy position that had took at least 20 minutes to get into and shuffled over to broken draws, that I for some reason decided was a good place to put my phone. It was Gabe. For fucks sake why can't he understand that I just want to be left alone to be a whiney bitch.

Gabe* hey

Wow really, you make me move just so that you can say hey.

Kellin* hi

I felt so awkward sending that message, but what the hell am I supposed to say. I don't want to talk to him, but I can't just ignore him! I'm not that much of an asshole and in all honestly I do appreciate that he took the time to message me three laters.

Gabe* what are you doing?
Kellin* nothing
Gabe* great!

Great? Uh no need to be so thankful that I'm a low life loner who scrolls through Tumblr all day. Not that there's anything wrong with tumblr, but if anyone ever found my tumblr account I'd probably die. Seriously.

Kellin* great?
Gabe* yah great, me and Justin are going to a cafe and you're coming
Kellin* do I have to?
Gabe* yes, we're already on our way to pick you up.

My reply to that message should have probably just been that i wasn't coming out and that no one can force me, or that I'm at my grans. But it's probably too late for excuses when somebody tells you that they're already on their way to your house. So then I did what any human with at least a half functioning brain would do and ditched my pyjamas for something decent to wear and sulked in my living room for two whole minutes until they arrived. Then they nocked on the door. I almost shit myself at the sound. I don't even know what's wrong with me lately, the entire concept of human life seems to scare me out of my skin.

I opened my door to two beautifully fake smiles that had obviously only been plastered on , for my sake. Arnt I special? Then we set off to the cafe, with definitely under 7 words being spoken between us on the entire journey there. It's pretty obvious that none of us wanted to be there in the slightest form. Seems like there entire friendship doesn't really want to be there really. I mean, I've only known them for a week and I can see that they only tolerate each other. I hate people like that, if you don't wanna talk to a person then just tell them to fuck off. Not that I can say anything about that though, I am here with them after all.

Eventually though we did actually get to the cafe, which was ominously empty, and we sat at a cramped loner table in the corner. The only other person in the cafe was the old lady who ran the place. The awkward silence that filled the air was unreal and frankly, it was driving me insane, I couldn't take it anymore. I looked at the two boys sat across from me, desperately trying to think of something to say. Eventually I managed to strangle out a few words.
'Don't you have any other friends?' As soon as I said that, I regretted it. The shocked expressions on their faces answered my question.
Gabe slammed his back onto his chair, avoiding eye contact with me, he looked up to the ceiling and the most sarcastic bitch smile appeared on his face as he said 'no, kellin we don't.' After that, the smile left and he leaned forward again, looking me in the eyes 'but it's more "friends" than you have, ain't it?'. When he said that, I just looked down at the floor in embarrassment. He was right, and my reaction must have shown that as he just got up and left, with Justin following behind him, leaving me alone in an empty cafe with no fucking idea how to get back home.

After that I just sat on my own there for at least over an hour. My plan was to wait for someone to come in so that I could hopefully pluck up enough courage to ask them they way to my own house. But no one came, I must have been in the least popular cafe in the whole of California.

It got to about 4pm, when I have been there for about 2 and a half hours and I was finally about to give up and leave when a group of about 11 guys all entered. I had seen them all before. They all went to my school. It was the football team. Yay! Not. I'd been planning to avoid them at all costs, after the girl I sit next to in science (jenna?) had told me all about them.
The tallest one is a guy called austin. Jenna said that he's a total slut who's fucked practically everyone in the school, boys and girls. She said he's like the leader of there group and the biggest asshole there. Apparently, not all the people he's fucked had agreed to it. But hey, 90% of gossip isnt true, right? Ugh, I think the other are called Alan, Zack, Alex, Jaime, Jack, Jack, josh, Oli, Jordan and vic? But anyway, here I am sat on a table on my own in a cafe full of complete assholes.

Deciding that it's best if they don't see me, i scurried into the cafe bathroom and just panicked for a while. I don't know why I did it, the entire situation would probably just have been so much easier if I just left the cafe. But no, I couldn't bring myself to walk past them. That sounds so pathetic, but I am pathetic. I placed my palms along the edge of the sinks and glared into the mirror. I hate it. I hate myself. Every thing about me is just so ugly and pathetic. Nothing about me is right, or good enough. My height, my hair, my voice, my face, my fat. How weak I am, how stupid I am, how I can't even manage to keep two friends. Everything that I didn't want to be was staring back at me in the mirror. I especially hate how red my cheeks go when Im about to cry, just like they were doing then. Fuck. No. I was not about to cry. I couldn't. But the tears began to form in my eyes. I couldn't let them. No. I was prepared to do anything to stop them and I did. Quickly, I dug my hand into my pocket and pulled out my blade. Then I rolled up my sleeve and looked in the mirror one again before slicing it through my skin. The blood came pouring out, I simply placed my arm over the sink and let it. Then I did it again, and again, and again, and again...

'Oh my god! What the hell are you doing?!?'

Fuck.

Slowly, I turned to look at whoever was there. It was one of the members of the football team,the small one, who honestly right now I couldn't remember the name of because fuck this guy has just walked in on me self harming. Before, I could do or say anything, he darted at me. Grabbing my blade and throwing it to the ground, he turned on the tap and held my bloody arm under the water. Not a single word was spoken until the red liquid pouring from my arm had slowed down when he moved it away from the tap and pressed down a towel firmly against the cuts. Slowly, I moved my lips as an attempt to explain myself, but before I could say anything, he cut me off, with a simple 'don't.'

Nothing else was spoken at all after that, the smaller boy simply took my blade and left.