Wide Awake: Kim Seokjin OS

wide awake-kim seokjin

an original oneshot

"All right, Bangtan Boys!" called our choreographer. "Practice is over! Go back and get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

I bent down to tie my shoe. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my dongsaengs sprinting out of the practice room. Suga, J-Hope, RM, Jimin, V, and Jungkook. They look so happy to finally finish practice. But for me, no. I don't want this to end yet.

I tighten the last knot on my shoe. "Thank you so much, Mr. Choreographer. I'll come back and visit sometime."

He looks at me with the saddest gaze ever, sadder than when any of us had fallen down on the practice room floor. "You still remember the name I asked you guys to call me when I showed you your first choreography." He smiles, but it's a sad smile. I can tell he's holding back tears.

"Are you okay? Should I get you a tissue?" I inquire, wanting to stop him from crying.

He shakes his head. "No, no, it's okay. I'm all right."

"Is there anything you want? Water? Ramyeon? Tteokbokki? A hug from my son RJ?" Mr. Choreographer, don't cry.

"No, Jin." He wipes his eyes with his fingers. "I want you to stay with BTS. I don't want you to enlist. But that's not possible, so," He sniffles, and his voice shakes. "Can you please remember me as Mr. Choreographer? That would mean the world to me."

I take his hands and caress them with mine. "I will, sir. Forever and ever."

He looks up at me and smiles through his tears. "Thank you, Kim Seokjin. Come back and visit sometime. I'm always here for you."

I hug him tightly. "I'll miss you, Mr. Choreographer. And of course I'll come and visit. Thank you for guiding me through the world of dance."

Then I let go of him and grab my belongings and rush out the door. I don't want him to see my tears.

Once I reach our dorm, I sprint to the room I share with my dongsaeng Suga who is probably downstairs sleeping in his recliner. He sometimes forgets he has a bed. I grab a small stack of paper and a purple pen, then sit down at my desk. "Purple means 'I love and trust you for a long time'. It really shows our connection with ARMY and how much we love them." Taehyung had once said. Since then, purple has been a special color for us and our fans. Our fans. It's funny to say that, since they will no longer be fans of me when I leave for the military. I want to stay so bad...

I scribble away rapidly on the paper. A letter to ARMY.

2 hours later, I'm done. I fold the letter to ARMY up and draw a heart on it, under that I write to ARMY. I remember the concert experiences, the rainbow they created for us, the fireworks....

My cheek feels wet, and I touch it. Tears. I'm crying. I leap onto my bed and hug my RJ plush who lives on my bed. I love them. My six flowers, the ones I take care of and dance and vocalize along with. And the fans, the angels that watch us and cheer us and care so much about us. For the past few years, I had learned to love this life filled with loving fans and pranksy members who loved you a lot on the inside. I had never imagined it would end. It seems like just last month that a BigHit employee had stopped me on a bus and convinced me to audition for BigHit. That was the start. This is the end.

I wipe my tears away with my shirt sleeve and stand up. I've got to pack my bags for the military. I stuff some clothes and RJ into a duffel bag. Then more stuff goes in. And more. And more.

I'm done in 30 minutes. I've put in a photo album filled with memories, some family photos, and a bracelet that has the name of each member engraved on the charm.