Every night I get very excited to go to bed, excited to dream. Because in my dreams I get to see this guy, the guy that I adore the most, the guy that I love and says he loves me as much. You may think I’m paranoid but I’m not.
His name is OH SEHUN, I met him in my dreams when I was 16, the age when I felt no one understood me. The night when I felt he most hurt and disappointed he came in my dreams and never left since then.
We became close and comfortable with each other. I never told anyone about him, because I’m afraid that they might think I’m crazy. I tell him my problems, he never scolded me for anything, he always listens. I never got tired of talking to him.
Under a big tree is where our special place is, where we meet every night. It looks so magical, the clear sky filled with glittering stars, the bright round moon. I wonder what this place looks like during the day. There are times when I force myself to sleep during the day but I can’t see him nor the place, everything is just blank.
When my 21st birthday came everything started to change, I don’t see him in my dreams every night anymore and that worries me a lot. Awkward moments came between us.
One night I felt something strange, I felt like something bad is going to happen and I don’t like this kind of feeling. I told him that I want to wake up at that moment but he stopped me and said that he needs to tell me something very important. I told him to speak up but the truth is I really don’t want to hear anything he has to say.
“You’re all grown up now; you’ve become a very pretty lady and a strong one. You don’t know how happy I am when I’m with you, everything seems to stop. But everything has its ending, I’m afraid our ending has come.”
“What are you saying? I don’t understand.”
“You don’t need me anymore; you can take care of yourself now. I need to leave.”
“NO, NO! You can’t, I need you. I’ll always need you. Please don’t leave me.”
“You need to understand.”
“But I love you, and you said you love me too. You even told me you’ll be there until the end. You said you’ll never leave.”
“I know what I said. I said I’ll be there until the end, and this is the end. So now I need to leave, I need to go.”
“NO, PLEASE NO!”
“I’m sorry.” After saying that he stood up and walked away, I tried to run after him but then he disappeared and I found myself in the middle of nowhere. I fell down on my knees and started to cry, the moment I opened my eyes I was already awake, yet there were still tears in my eyes. That was the worst dream I had in the past years. I will never forget that night, the night of September exactly 5 years since the night I first saw him in my dreams.
That same morning I tried to get out of bed and go outside but I had no energy to do so. I stayed at home and tried to distract myself from thinking of my dream last night by watching the television and playing video games. The night came and I get to bed hoping to meet him. I closed my eyes, to my surprise when I opened it, it was already morning. I did not see him last night, I dreamt of nothing. I cried in my bed, he did what he said, he left. I don’t know what to do.
A year passed since the night I last saw him. I still hope every night that I might see him but I always fail and I end up crying every morning.
