May be forever

O N E

         September 2019

               The day was bright. Warm and sunny like a normal summer day in Hyderabad. The air was still with humidity and the smell of various street food along with the stench of trash, Vinny felt home as she sat down at a food stall near the Char minar bazaar. She had missed the hustle bustle of this city since she left it for good, four years ago. Vinny never thought she would come back here , like this , feeling like a nobody in a crowd. It's funny, that Vinny always wanted to be a nobody in the crowd, but today she felt alone and she really wanted someone to be her side... but she was alone.

Despite of the temperature and humidity , she felt a kind of chill spreading through her. Her mind was blank , she was scared to reach out to anyone, her friends , college mates. Vinny was on run for the past two weeks. She had came to Hyderabad a week ago and was living in a ladies hostel. She didn't want to go home until she was sure about herself, is that what she really wanted? And she still had no answer for that.

As she ordered a tea , for stalling some more time , to decide where to go and what to do, which she had no idea. The crowd outside moved purposefully, everyone has somewhere to go and something to do and they had someone waiting for them,  except for her.

When she was sure, nobody was showing any special interest on her,  she opened her purse and took the folded paper in hand and placed at the table Infront of her. The paper was creased as she had crumpled the paper over and over before throwing it into her purse.

She opened the paper and read the medical report again even though she knew it by heart.
She simply stared at the number showing the level of HCG in her blood making it clear that she is pregnant.
She didn't feel anything, except the chilling sensation inside her.. nothing made any sense to her. She sat there numb , her tea untouched on the table  and mind wandering here and there until she saw a five year old looking boy who was holding his younger sister's finger with utmost care , the way they smiled to each other made her smile a little.  On impulse, she pulled out her new phone from the purse and dialled her brother's number, the one and only number that she could recite even in her sleep.
And waited her bhai to pick up the call before she became a coward and switched it off again.

                     **************
               Vinny was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of hot coffee in her hand. The strong coffee in her favourite cup, she was feeling a bit better after another sleepless night , in the train. Strong coffee always did the trick for her, making her feel a bit better, even when everything is a mess. She smelled the coffee as she tried to seek a bit of comfort from it.

The huge kitchen in her home looked exactly how she had remembered it, except that her mother wasn't there, fussing over what to feed her little girl.
That won't happen ever again...she conceded the fact as the bitter coffee cleared her thoughts a bit. The emptiness mom left in her life was huge that Vinny never wanted to come back to a home where mom won't be waiting for her. 

Vinny drained the rest of  her coffee in the sink,  as she waited for her bhai to come down. She didn't bothered to go and find her brother or dad for that matter. She needed a bit more time to compose herself, moreover she was scared to hear whatever her brother had to say.

     She had took the train the last evening , as she had called her brother.
She hadn't explained anything except that she was in Hyderabad, but her bhai had just told her to come home as soon as possible.

And something in his voice had unsettled her, there was an urgency in his tone that Vinny recognised in a  second. But she couldn't ask him anything. May be both of them are harbouring the baggage of secrets. May be he would tell her as she has came back  home after four years. But what about her secret? She wasn't sure about reveling it to anyone. She was playing a mind game of ifs and buts of her life decisions when her bhai entered the kitchen.

        Varun, her bhai, didn't wait  for her to get up and greet him, he just rushed to her side and hugged her. Vinny let herself embrace the warmth of his arms. She realised how much she had missed him all these years and it tugged her heart. He had asked her to go back home whenever they met or called in the past, but she refused him vehemently.

'Where have you been Vinny?? I was trying to reach you for the past few days'
The frustration and disappointment in his voice wasn't lost on her but she chose to neglect it, for now.

'Ohho Bhai, I was a bit busy and I lost my phone too. Sorry. Don't be angry, I am home with you. Stop fussing over such petty things' she rolled her eyes as she used to do in the past, whenever they disagreed on something, hoping that he would let it go.

'Dont try to be cheeky. If you try this again, I won't let it go' he pinched her cheek and she glared at him.

Vinny studied her brother as he poured a cup of coffee himself and nodded at their servant to leave the kitchen. There was something else in his mind , his shoulder was stiff and his otherwise jovial nature was missing and his gorgeous features were rigid.

'What is it Bhai?' Vinny quired as her brother sat down opposite her and perched his hands on the wooden table.

'Dad is ill....he had a heart attack two weeks ago. He is out of danger after surgery.'
Vinny searched his eyes, she was confused , if her dad was that  ill, why she hasn't heard anything from the media? Or  there were news and she didn't notice that. May be..she wasn't sure now.

'Obviously we kept it from the  media Vinny, he was treated in a private hospital with strict privacy policy.'
Varun sighed as he replied her unasked questions.

'All I needed was you here with me, I tried to contact you...but I couldn't reach you.'

Vinny's heart clenched as she looked at him. She should have called him earlier. Her father's illness was a news for her..but her relationship with him wasn't that great for years now she wasn't sure about how she felt about him being ill but her brother needed her. Vinny sighed remorsefully...she was at fault.

She held her Bhai's hand like she used to do when they were kids and mumbled an apology for the time she couldn't be there with him.
He squeezed her hand in assurance, and looked at her.

'You should take some rest, you look so pale Vinny. Are you alright? '
She shrugged in response and settled her hands in her lap.

'I need to go somewhere Vinny. Go and meet dad, he is resting in his room. I know it won't be easy for you. But I really need to go, things are a little gruelling in office.'

Varun's voice was tense and Vinny knew he is bothered by something.
She didn't want to press him further, so she just hugged him as he bid her goodbye.
               
              ********************

         Vinny waited a few minutes before entering her parent's room, now her dad's room.
She had no idea how to face him after such a long time, when he is sick and their relationship was facing a dead end. She took a nervous breath and knocked on the door hesitantly.
   
           She made a beeline to her dad's bed, where he was resting. He smiled a little as he saw her.

'How are you dad? ' she bit her tongue as she could feel the indifference in her own voice.

'I am better Vihani, since you are home I am sure I will be alright' he smiled at her.
     
               Krishna Reddy, her dad , a man of few words, looked a bit tired with his stubbled chin and disheveled hair, a rare sight for her. There were stress lines beneath his eyes , suddenly he looked like an old man.
Old man with a dysfunctional heart and a dysfunctional family.
Vinny tried hard to come up with any topic , so she could at least try to talk to her dad, but couldn't. She missed her mom.

' Dad? Do you need anything?
I mean I could help you with something?' she stuttered in between , wondering how empty her words were.

Krishna Reddy smiled, leaning to the head board.

' Yes Vihani... You could really help me with something. Sit down , we need to talk...'
The way he was implying that they had to talk, made Vinny shiver.
She squinted her eyes to look at her dad.
May be just may be she is  walking into a trap...
Her stomach churned.