i'm not ok ✎ sope

a simple talk ┅ pt 2

the young woman hummed a random tune as she placed the top on the pot and turned on the far left eye of the stove. 

through the semi-open curtains, moonlight danced on her face, almost as if darkness herself was running towards its spontaneous lover, light. who always seemed to be in the most unexpected places.

"hey mom! I'm going out." seokjin grabbed the fuzzy brown sweater that he loved oh-so-much. it was the sweater that his father boasted proudly, no matter what weather forecast.  what a wondrous and strange he was.

"um, sure. i'll let my, very attractive, 16-year-old son out at,' she said in feign seriousness, checking an imaginary watch, 'shit o'clock at night. here ya go, pedos! enjoy!"

jin rolled his eyes as a smirk crossed his face. "mom. i have a taser, and a stun gun, and pepper spray. i think i'll be good." he scrunched up his face and shook his head in mockery. the woman did it back.

"ah,..this is about that boy, isn't it? what's his name? namjoon..--?" 

"NO! this isn't like that!! mom, i don't...i don't have a crush on every boy i meet." seokjin finished off his sentence with a sigh, giving the sentence no particular ending. it just sat in the air.

"ok then, i just don't want to,..' she paused, wiping her scarred but dainty hands on her apron, approaching seokjin and squishing his face, 'get hurt by someone you trusted. likeー"

"like the incident. mom,...it's ok..." seokjin placed his head on her shoulder and wrapped his hands around her waist, for a hug.

"i just, feel like i should've of protected you! you told me that he was shady but i told you to get over it. oh, you must have felt so small and scared!" one thing about jin's mother, was that she worried too much. she drove herself insane with "what if's", ever since his dad died.

tears started to trickle down her cheeks, and land on the collar of the brown sweater. "hah,...it even smells like him." seokjin sadly laughs with his mother, fighting tears himself. he remembered something his father had told him.

when i'm gone, promise me something.

tell your mother, that's it's ok to be a mess. it's ok to fall apart. hiding and bottling up your emotions will only expand and eat you alive from the inside. let them out, let them free.

school pet died? go ahead and sob through the whole day. dropped your ice cream? let the tears fall in the middle of the street. cause if you don't, all those little things, group together, and create one, big, toxic blob.

huh.

"mom,..it's not your fault...god you're making me cry."

"go to him." his mother backed up slowly, as if she was surprised that the words came out of her mouth.

“what'dya mean? i can't just—” a finger landed over his lips, “when i met your father, me and my family were in a bad spot.”

“traveling miles to get to school, and the grocery store. trying to feed a family of five with 5 won in our pockets.”

“i felt like i couldn't run off to kiss some boy. i could barely take care of myself and my three siblings, let alone someone my age.”

“but then i realized,..that that love, is what helped us get out of that. i no longer had to watch my back, because i had someone who could. and he had me.”

“you guys had each other,..' seokjin gaped, 'mom,..i—”

“go!” she playfully elbowed him in the ribs, “before i change my mind!”