messages | G.D

8

we all got busted for drinking alcohol so now we're not allowed to hangout outside of our rooms without 'adult supervision'.

it's like 3 am and i'm laying in my staring up and the ceiling overthinking, like i usually do.

is this all really my fault?

did i really mess it all up with grayson? or is he just as guilty as i am?

will justin think we're a thing again because i kissed him tonight?

i just didn't wanna seem more of a whore as i already do by kissing a random guy.

do i seem like a whore?

i turn to my side now staring at the wall. i let out a deep sigh.

-

our coaches gave us a choice on what to do, we all chose sking because we don't get to do much of that in la.

"hey elena!" abby smiles walking up to me, "hey!" i smile.

"don't be mad at me, okay?" she says nervously, "what?" i furrow my eyebrows.

"i know we planned on riding together but this guy named matt asked me and he's really cute. but if you-" she rambles on.

"oh my gosh! no, it's okay! i'll just ride with someone else," i smile. "thank you," she smiles quickly hugging me then running off.

we all go down to the thing you ride on and the only person left was grayson, "great," i mumble under my breath walking towards it.

for half the ride it was dead silent until grayson spoke up, "you wanna know something that confuses me?" he ask.

"not really," i answer still looking the other way not even bothering to look at him. "when it was just us texting we worked so good, and now we're fighting over dumb stuff like, 'who can make the other more jealous'." he says anyway.

"yeah, well. i guess once you actually know a person things about them start coming out." i shrug my shoulders.

"what's that supposed to mean?" he ask, "you know exactly what it means," i turn my head finally looking at him.

"when i first met justin, he acted just like you. he was a player, and i fell for him because of how 'smooth' he was or whatever." i roll my eyes.

"don't compare me to justin, i'm not him." he says. "you two sure do act the same," i say looking forward.

"listen, i know i come off as a fuckboy or a player but i'm not, i promise," he starts.

after staying quiet for a second he talks again, "can i tell you something if you promise not to say anything?" he ask with seriousness in his eyes.

i look over to him and nod my head, he lets out a deep sigh before talking.

"right before i graduated, my dad died, he and i were really close, we had the best father and son relationship you could possibly have," he starts.

"i took his death really hard, i went out to parties a lot more, i was rarely home, i drunk a lot, and was hooking up with a lot of girls. my mom and brother and sister worried about me like crazy, i will never forgive myself for the trouble i put them through." he continues.

"one time i got so drunk that ethan had to carry me in the house and up the stairs so my mom wouldn't hear, but she did and woke up and just bursted in tears."

"that night ethan had to call my sister, cameron to come down all the way from her college. i could tell in their faces they were so disappointed in me, i decided to clean my act up for them, not for me or anyone else but for them and my dad."

"i swore to them that i would go to college, and not to stuff like that. my mom hated seeing me play girls they way i did, i promised her i would never do that again,"

"so, if that's what's happening here, i'm actually sorry. i don't mean to play you or anything, i actually like you a lot. i guess it's just been a while since i actually liked someone so i don't know how to act," he shrugs.

"wow gray, i'm so sorry that you or your family had to go through that." i say hugging him, "i know it must of been tough, i couldn't imagine losing a parent." i say.

"it's okay, i know he's watching us." he smiles as i return it.

"can we just start over?" he ask, i smile nodding my head, "i would love that."

"hey, i'm elena." i reach out my hand, "i'm grayson." he smiles showing his teeth taking my hand.

this boy is going to be the death of me.