messages | G.D

20

"what was that grayson?" i ask completely confused on what just happened.

"i wanted to kiss you... you're hot when your mad," he chuckles running his hands through his hair. "you think you could just kiss me and everything will be alright?" i ask.

"no.. but i think fro-yo and a walk in the park will?" he smiles shrugging his shoulders, i cross my arms and stare at him.

"please." he grabs my hand, "fine." i laugh.

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i play with the fro-yo using my spoon as we walk to the swing set in the park.

"so let's talk about it.. everything," he says. "okay, i guess we should start with the callie thing. since it's what started all this," i say not keeping eye contact.

"yeah.." he says, "listen, i do not want her. as much as she tries to get with me and ruin what we have i don't want to be with her. i want to be with you," he sits up to face me more.

"and the night stands thing, it was meaningless sex, i barely knew those girls." he states. "yeah, but that's the thing, it isn't meaningless to me." i reply.

"with those girls it is meaningless, but with you i promise, nothing is meaningless with you." he lightly grabs my hand.

"why can't you just trust me?" he ask lowly, "i'm sorry, it's hard for me to trust people. especially how my past relationships have went, i've been nothing but cheated on and used and it sucks, i don't ever want to feel like that again. i guess i'm just scared if i let you in you'll just hurt me and leave like everyone else." i say the last part lowly.

it was hard admitting that. i really loved justin, i dated him for a year and for six months of that he was cheating on me. every time i questioned him he would shoot me down and tell me that i'm crazy and how much he loves me.

"i would never make you feel like that." he says, "justin said the same thing. they all said the same thing." i scoff.

"i'm not justin. i'm not any of them." he grabs my hand tighter. "i'm too afraid of letting you in. it'll take forever for me to fully trust you and fully let you in. we should just go ahead and end this in damaged goods," i shake my head, a tear falls down my cheeks which i quickly wipe it away.

"we're not ending in this. if i have to wait forever for you to trust me and let me in then i'll wait forever, i don't care. i just want to be with you," he moves my hair out of my face.

"really none of this would have been so big if i wouldn't had gotten so angry. i have all these emotions built up inside of me and they all just turn into anger. i should of called or texted you and tried to fix this but instead i was just angry at you. i wanted to get revenge on you, and i shouldn't act like that. i just don't know what else to do," he opens up.

"why do you think you have all these emotions?" i ask wanting him to know i genuinely care about what's going on with him.

he takes a deep breath, "i think i'm angry at my dad. i'm angry he left us. and i know, i know it's stupid. i just wish he didn't have to leave, he left all of us. now my mom is never the same, she tries to be happy for us but we can all see through it. he made her feel like this. he made all of us feel like this! and i don't understand why i feel like this because he didn't do it. it's not his fault, i just can't help it!" he says getting more and more angry, tears welling up in his eyes.

"grayson, it's okay... it's okay. i know it can be hard, it has to be hard. i can't imagine what you're going through or how you feel. it's normal when you're grieving. i understand." i say.

"i.." he starts to say something before he cuts himself off. "thank you." he smiles. "thank you," i smile back. he reaches down and places a kiss on my lips.

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