To My Dearest 【Ereri/Riren】(Eren x Levi)

Chapter 10

The corporal once fell asleep. It was the dumbest thing he's ever done in his life. Because during his beauty nap, a certain young small boy was supposed to confess. That happened the night before they went to a special event in the castle, along with royalties and aristocrats, all the rich people and soldiers with high positions. As it ended, both guys proceeded to their quarters after having mutual feelings since day one, after finally being official after the brown-haired's confession--- and the teenager experienced his first kiss and his first---as many would call it---French kiss, from the Lance Corporal Levi himself. And because he got the infamous sergeant to be that crazy about him, he became legendary.

A few weeks later of training with self-defense and experimentations, arranging and sorting of documents, and helping his lover in his line of work, Eren got back from being defeated painstakingly by his superior at a challenge during lessons. A week was spent more and his birthday neared and because it was so close, the kid got all paranoid and was worried about his face, his body, if everything was okay and all right, if he looked good enough for his big day. The big day was the date he wanted to go to with Levi. He prepared all night in front of the mirror for that.

The remedy he needed? It was only from his beloved corporal. Speaking of which, the said man gave the spot, which he loved so much, to the kid, where only they could see where the stars don't shine, and where the sunset is at its best and most beautiful as a gift, also to make the little brat happier. But the captain's surprises don't stop there, right then and there did he propose.

New scenario and Eren woke up to his husband, petrified. A little waggle here, a little fuzzle there, and boom, their cute morning sizzled with adorable flowers floating through. Sadly, the afternoon was spoiled by the commander's call. Fortunately, the errand the corporal had to make was to be done with Eren. In the middle of dusk, the pair walked to a garden. The teenager had napped comfortably in Levi's arms once again.

The errand was finished and the party continued the next day. Followed by the first fight, or so it looked like, between the usually inseparable duo. Eren regretted his mistake of not spending the night with his lover. He had to control his emotions for the sake of humanity. But was it really worth their lives? When the expedition starts tomorrow, how would the others feel knowing it might be the last day of their lives? As soon as the the kid realized this the next morning, his apology was interrupted by the beginning of the advance.

He didn't get to see the sergeant. He didn't get to say sorry. He didn't get to say goodbye. He didn't get to say Take care. He didn't get to say Please don't die. He didn't get to say I love you. 

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Is it a dream? Please tell me that was a dream. Eren, Eren wasn't eaten, it's impossible. The same nightmare replays over and over again in my head. It was detailed and there are moments where I'm forced to see a 'paused' time. Whenever the paused frame is in place, the droplets of his blood could be seen. Even the most miniscule strand of his hair was visible. It's a sight I will never be used to.

Everytime after I'd charge towards the titan, kill it and rid its existence from the face of the world---I'd scream at the remnants of Eren's body. His head, stained with the bright red fluid enveloping his body. The same liquid that had that metallic smell all over the field. It was nauseating. It almost made me puke my own guts out. It was a miracle that he only lost his right arm and left leg. His right leg was disgusting as hell, its flesh messed up, obviously chewed by a huge creature. 

And then, finally, I just knew it and I felt it in my guts---that the next replay would be the last of all of them. It would be the last time I'd see myself crying, the last time I'd see myself almost go nuts and lose my mind.

Before my eyes could lay on Eren---Hanji's voice rang in my ears. I was clenching the blankets and ripping them apart near my chest, across my heart. I was bathed in my own sweat. My eyes opened bloodshot. Scared of going back to sleep. Hoping to avoid that nightmare forever.

It's just a dream. It's just a dream.

"It was just a dream after a---" I tried to say but I had predicted what Hanji was about to mouth:

'It's not a dream, Levi.'

And it struck me that this whole time, I was in the real world.

It's funny though...because I absolutely can't feel a thing.

I'm numb all over.

I'm still resisting to believe this crap.

...Hey Eren...

All the little things that you do, I remember all of them perfectly. In every way, I know how you move, how you act, how you speak, everything. And even after knowing all of those, you still continue to amaze me.

Because of you, I've learned things. One of them, I've learned to love and care for the persons dear to me. I've become more perceptive of others' feelings and emotions. I have come to a better understanding with my own feelings too.

...Hey Eren, did you know?

You are my sunlight that continues to shine brightly whenever darkness would be all around me. You were my saviour when the guilt, of not being able to do anything to prevent our subordinates' deaths, haunted me. You were like an angel that always seemed to save me from myself.

I think it's pathetic of me to be scared of myself. I've lived longer than you have and yet it appears to me that you're winning this game of smarts. How is it that a brat like you made me feel this way, this gullible?

...

...

...

Hey, Eren....

Did you know?

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...

...

I love you so so so so much.