(Bold Text) = My reaction
Normal Text = What I wrote
STORY 1, CHAPTER 2
It had been one week, and the queen was not pregnant. (I would hope so) She looked at her ring, sighing. She hoped it would happen next week, she did. (Let's talk about- hang on a sec, lets keep this PG) For queens, they usually got pregnant in the first two weeks, or maybe even the third. (No they do not) She thought of names, and decided - if it were a girl they would name it Rosie Shine (ew) and if it were a boy they would call it David Shine (mk). Lovely. (not really) And baby pills- ugh, and they taste like brussel sprouts! I'd rather die!
She stopped her discust (english please?) , cause she knew it would make matters worse, and things were as bad as it was- yesterday her niece died, over a rollercoasted called the Texas Giant (I watched a lot of creepy videos and top 10s at around that time I think), third time someone died. Where do they get these workers? In it your supposed to hear 3 clicks, but my niece (excuse me you can't write in both third person and first person choose between the two thanks) only had one click. He asked them (He? You said neice you idiot) to check again but the worker refused- so he fell off, from a 20metre high place- so it was shut down, never to be re-opened again. I feel the tears prickling in my eyes, but I don't let them out. (that whole section was really unneeded)
Sirahan Shine, my husband. (okay we be in first person now) I've never told him- I do trust him, but its just hard to say in front of the one you love. (n o) They were having a ball tonight, to celebrate their wedding. And she was ready, ready to face what was going to overcome. Later in the ball, my belly was fat (honestly mood) and I fell to the floor, obnoxious. (I think I meant unconscious) They rushed me to the hospital and lay me in a bed. The next day, my belly was flat (literally what I hope happens after a meal) and I opened my eyes, to see a doctor holding a baby. (Don't tell me I really wrote this next part...) "Congrats!" He said, "It's a girl!" (OH INNOCENT YOUNG ME, PREGNANCY DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT)
