My Life

The Beginning

I'm not sure where to start this. How about the basics?  I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. My home life was okay. I mainly stayed with my grandma. I didn't mind though. She was my best friend. She was this 4'5 Hispanic women. She treated us like her children. We had a schedule though. We would get up at 3-4am and get ready for school so my dad could drop us off before work.  He would pick us up after work from her house sometimes. We sometimes just stayed the whole week there. We did this until i finished 5th grade and she moved to Tulsa. To say, i was sad was an understatement.  

We lived in Frontenac, Ks. Its a little shit town. Mainly for white people. (not being racist) My parents were trying to buy a house there. My mom worked at a Bacon Plant. We never saw her much. She would only work night shift. On her days off she would go out with her "friends" and drink or do drugs. Who really knows what happened except for her. I missed her but i know i was her least favorite. My dad worked at a place with heavy machinery. We would usually see him after work. He was an alcoholic though. He drank everyday. I didn't notice or i just chose to not notice because at least he was there.

I went to Frontenac schools for a year. I didn't even  finish the school year. I made no friends. I thought if i made fun of others with the "cool" kids, they would like me. They just told on me and i got into trouble. i started chewing gum to calm/comfort myself. The teachers didn't like that and outed me in front of the class. One day two teachers did it to me and i cried and ran home from school. I transferred schools because i knew i didn't fit in.

I started school back at PCMS. I was a troubled kid. I would get up on the tables and yell at the teachers. I would through fits and just leave the class rooms. I spent most of my days in Pass. I would rip down the P everyday. I had friends though. They were troubled as well. We got into trouble together. We hung out at the skate park almost every weekend. We were boy crazy. I had a crush on a boy named Beau. He only hung out with us at school. i would always take his binder and hide it. We also played around a lot together. Tag  through the hallways was my favorite. 

This all lasted until i was 13. Everything changed. I changed. Not for the better either sometimes. I always think about the "what ifs". To this very day i still think about it. Everything was my fault. I am who i am today because of this. I wouldn't change a thing though. I found love and a glimpse of my future and happiness.