Stay

07

I spent nearly my entire night thinking and trying to make sense of my life at the moment. I live with a horrid man. A man who beats me and treats me as though I am trash under his foot. And I honestly cannot seem to find a safe way out. I didn't have much family I could talk to or get help from.
After my dad died, my mom went awol and hasn't been seen in years. The last I heard from her she was on a sort of spiritually retreat in Tibet. My brother and sister both live in New York, a long way from my 1 bedroom apartment in Colorado.

But even if they did live closer, I doubt they would want any connection to me. When our dad passed away I was 15, but despite my young age i turned my grief and my pain into staying out all night, dropping out of school, stealing money among lots of material items, and sex with guys usually 3 or 4 years older than me.

I was a mess. I was 15 and I lost someone so damn close to me. I couldn't cope, but my family didn't see it that way. As soon as my mom was also out of the picture my brother and sister made sure they lost touch with me.

And to put the cherry on top of this whole mess, my personal trainer is suspicious of how Jackson treats me and god only knows what he would do if he knew for sure.

I am really at a loss for words at how the men in my life right now are treating me. I will never be able to understand why some people have such a need for power and validation. A need so strong they go to extremes to get it.

At this moment i'm sitting in my car parked outside the gym, debating if my plan to go inside and have a chat with Harry would be for the best. I could go in there with guns blazing and yell at him until he promises to stay out of my personal life or I could do the mature thing and have a serious adult conversation with him about my situation.

I have to admit I was nervous. But just sitting here thinking was making it 10x worse. So I unbuckled my seatbelt and made my way to the front doors.

++

Standing in the gym now I felt silly. I was wearing jeans and sweater, nothing nearly as athletic as the girls around me. I scanned the large open space for Harry's famous mop of curls. He was exiting the ring in the middle of the room, pulling the punching pads from his hands. His long body slid through the ropes and when his feet touched the floor again, he spotted me. He looked reluctant but he still made his way to me. Wiping his face off with a small rag as he did so.

"Hi" I squeaked when he was close enough to hear.

"Let's go somewhere private yeah?" He walked over to an unoccupied room and I followed him inside.

"So what's up?" he asked me in a cool way. He was being strangely calm. Seeing that only the day before I was pretty upset with him and his actions, it was odd to hear him act so breezy. He acted completely unbothered by my spur of emotions at the coffee shop.

So I said nothing more than a quick, "good". If he wanted to act like nothing happened, then nothing happened.

"That's good" He pulled a chair from against the wall and took a seat. "Why did you come here?"

"Why are you acting weird?" My arms crossed over chest and I leaned against the wall his chair was against.

"Not being weird, just friendly." he paused and seemed to think for a few seconds "you're sure there's nothing you want to tell me Nell?"

"Couldn't be more sure" I said with a polite smile. The atmosphere around us was beginning to shift in a odd way. We both know we were in a tense situation but for some reason we were both trotting around the subject like it was a bomb, getting too close wouldn't be any use. We both stayed silent after that, maybe only 5 minutes or so. But to be quiet, alone in a room with another person, felt much much longer.

soon enough Harry spoke up again, "If you're expecting an apology, you're not getting one. I stand by what I did."

I raised by eyebrow, questioning what he was saying, silently asking him to elaborate.

"You're my friend. I care about you and I want to help you as much as I can....Even though you won't come out and tell me, I know what's happening. But I'm not gonna go out of way and break your trust by hurting the guy when I know damn well you wouldn't defend me in court."

I couldn't help but giggle at his reaction. He seemed to have put a lot of thought into this. And as much as I wanted and needed help, I couldn't let Harry hurt Jackson. He was bigger sure, but Jackson was mean spirited. It would have taken a lot more that a punch to his jaw to stop him from being the way he is.

Although he seemed to amuse me with his answer, his obvious intention, I couldn't help but hang onto his words. 'i care about you', why does he care about me? Sure we're friends and we have been for a while now, but that shouldn't evoke an instinct as strong as he displayed to protect me.

"why?" I was too curious, I couldn't help myself.

"why what?" He asked slight confused. By now he was standing again, mirroring my position against the wall. His words brought him a step closer to me.

"Why do you care so much?" my voice dropped to just above a whisper.

He took another step closer to me, our knees nearly touching each other. He leaned closer to me, his tall figure looming over mine. He uncrossed his arms and reached out to mine. His fingers hooked under my elbows that were crossed over my chest and he pulled me close. Crashing his mouth against mine.
Unexpected tears streamed down my face and met at our lips. His mouth moved expertly over top of mine and not once did he try to force his tongue in my mouth.

He was being gentle. Sweet. His hands ran up and down my arms creating a warmth I didn't know i needed. As his hands snaked down around my waist, my own went into his curls. Grabbing fistful after fistful, greedily tugging.

He pulled back slightly and whispered, "Nellie"

The only answer I could provide him with was pushing harder against his lips.

++

sorry for any spelling errors, i write these on my phone. :/