Stay

08

It was a regular Tuesday morning for me; wake up, eat breakfast, shower. The usual routine. The sun flooded our small apartment in a way that could have made any room feel comfortable, even a jail cell. When Jackson and I first moved in, I spent extra time at a home goods store. Interior design was always something that interested me. Matching curtains to carpets, finding the perfect couch, something about the whole process was soothing. It really took my mind off things.

But on this particular morning there was something different in the air. It was warmer than usual, more sunny almost. I sat at the kitchen table, coffee mug in hand, just looking around trying to figure out what it was. I was beginning to think I was crazy, that I just woke up in an extra good mood and focusing too much on it would make it go away. So I stopped. I stopped thinking, I stopped trying to justify or reason with the universe on my sudden happiness. It was good for me. I hadn't felt this way in a while.

I thought my mood would be short lived when I saw Jackson exit the bedroom, but again, I was wrong. I watched him walk into the kitchen, grab himself a cup of coffee, and come sit beside me. After he sat he just stared at me, a wide smile on his face.

"What?" I asked with a smile equally as full. He was such a beautiful man. A full but short beard decorated his face and accompanied his stunning blue eyes in the most delicious way. He wore only white briefs at the moment.

He reached for his chair and pulled himself closer to me, "Nothing, you're just so beautiful"

He spoke so politely to me. His voice had its regular morning gruff, but it also carried an indiscernible softness with it. The sunlight from the window across from us had subsided slightly, but it still did its best to shine on his skin in a glowy sort of way.

"What's gotten into you?" I questioned him softly, trying not to sound too taken back and happy all the same.

"We should do something today" he nearly gushed.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

By now I was up at the sink, rinsing off our coffee mugs and kettle. He came from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. The action made me anxious at first, but to flinch in front of him when he had no intention of hurting me was a pain I couldn't bear for him. He gently moved my hair to the side and placed kisses all along my neck and shoulder.

"Shopping. Let's go shopping yeah? It'll be fun, we'll spend the whole day together and you can try on clothes for me..." He trailed off at the end of his sentence, spinning me around to check my face for any discomfort with the idea.

"Okay" I said with a smile.

++

I must admit I wasn't too thrilled with the idea. Sure Jackson was in a good mood now, but who knows how he'll be feeling in a few hours. Especially after walking all day and carrying around bags of clothes. I was scared he would leave me at the mall or, even worse, pick a fight with me in public. I felt like he was a ball of anger waiting to explode, ticking beside me all day long.

Jackson got properly dressed and we headed over to the mall. We made it into a few stores, happy as we were this morning, possibly even more so. He held my hand as we walked, picked out clothes for me, he even bought me a pair of earrings simply because he said he liked how they looked. Plain silver studs, with a small but shiny 'diamond' on them. This day was going much better than I expected.

Now we sat in the food court eating hotdogs and fries, aimlessly making conversation. Our conversation never seemed to slow or dull all day. We had always found something new to talk about, and rather quickly too. We even shared a few hearty laughs.

We were soon interrupted by the loud ringing of Jackson's phone, it was one of his favourite songs but he overused it. It was his ringtone, alarm sound, and text tone - so now when the tune played it was almost an instant cringe. November Rain - Guns n roses.

He looked at the caller ID and it seemed to be someone he didn't want to talk to right now. He clicked the ignore button and put the device on the table beside his food tray, face down. He looked a little bit agitated so I decided against asking him who it was that called. If I were in a normal relationship this would have been a topic I could have easily brought up. But instead I have to think of how he will react to anything I say before I even say it.

"I just don't want to deal with him right now" he said unprovoked.

I replied to him with a nod of my head and a small smile, really not wanting to push his buttons unintentionally. We stayed quit for the next minute or so before his phone rang again.

"one sec" he said while getting up from our table and walking a few feet away. I watched him talk on the phone. His posture straightened and he kept his other hand on his hip, something he did when he was beginning to get mad. Wanting to leave as soon as possible when he got back to the table, I collected all our garbage onto one tray and stacked them in front of me. I looked over to him again, but this time he wasn't there. I lifted slightly off my seat, looking to see if he walked into a crowd of people or went further from the food court. He was gone. I couldn't see him.

I decided that waiting in the same spot would be best, wanting to avoid him losing me and looking like a mad man all over the building. I sat for another 10 minutes before I got up to clear our table. I grabbed the shopping bags and walked out towards the parking lot where I knew the car was parked.

Instead, I was greeted with an empty parking spot.

++

There was a bus shelter not too far from here, and I knew if I called for a ride and Jackson was still home he would have freaked out. Accusing me of personally knowing the cab driver and fucking them on the side.

On the walk there and ride back home I had lots of time to think. I began thinking about how Jackson was gonna be when I got home, how careful I had to be around him. I hated the position I was in, why couldn't I have met a nice boy who brought me flowers and opened my door? 

When I reached the front steps to our apartment my pulse began to quicken, I was nervous to see him after his episode. 

Fortunately for me, when I opened the door, he wasn't there either.