Love at a Price (re-write?) - a GMW Joshaya fic

Eleven

I wait outside my front door, key already in the lock. Josh is standing beside me, not saying a word. When I look up at him, he is watching me and smiles when our eyes meet. I scan his face for any signs of what he could be thinking, but he's almost unreadable. I have to say something.

"Thank you for today. I'm sorry that I couldn't be more fun -"

"Stop it," he cuts me off, hand resting on mine as it sits on the door handle, "you made today amazing."

"Well, in that case, you're welcome!" My voice bounces back to the usual bubbly tone I have around Josh, though I keep my voice down considering that it's late and the neighbours can be very prickly about volume in the hallway.

Josh smiles and hugs me goodbye while I wish that he'd never let me go. I try to remember the feeling as best as I can, but the moment doesn't last long enough. I don't think any amount of time in Josh's arms would be long enough. I had my head resting against his chest, eyes half-closed as I listened to the thrum of his heartbeat, and the warmth of his arms around me was strangely comforting. Then he pulled away slowly, half-smiling as he whispered 'Goodnight, Maya,' and walked away.

I stepped inside, stuck in a strange dream-like feeling, kind of like I was floating and sinking at the same time while the night flashed through my head in an unordered sequence. I showered and curled myself into bed, ready to watch a movie until I fell asleep. Only I can't bring myself to focus on anything outside my thoughts.

Without Josh as a distraction, the weight of Riley's situation is crushing me and it's becoming hard to breathe. Soon enough, she'll be forced to tell people that shouldn't be involved and make decisions that she shouldn't have to make. I know Riley well enough to guess what her final decision will be, and it's going to be so hard for her to work through. But she won't be alone, and that is a benefit not enough girls have, so maybe she'll be okay in the end?

I just want to put all of this out of my mind and pretend that it isn't happening until she can give me more conclusive answers. I just wish that it didn't affect me so much because I feel bad about being so focused on something that won't really change my life. But I care so much about Riley, and a change with her always comes back to me in some way or another.

I toss and turn throughout the night, eventually falling asleep at some point between midnight and 3 am. The first time I woke up, I checked my phone instinctively as I hoped that I could go. I was too antsy to lay still any longer. It was only a little after 3, so I screwed my eyes shut and hunched up, silently wishing for everything to be okay.

I woke up next to Shawn shaking me awake, his hair a mess as though he'd been scrubbing his hands through it. "What's wrong?" I panicked, shooting straight up as I hauled out of bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What? What's happening?"

He sighs, sitting down on the bed so I drop beside him. "Cory called me last night and told me about Riley. I take it you know?"

I play with my fingers, not meeting his eyes, "Yeah, I found out yesterday. Just after school but..."

"But?"

"But she did mention something that morning. I didn't want to worry anybody so -"

"Christ, Maya," Shawn pushes up from the bed and begins to place my room, "you know we aren't supposed to have secrets in this family. I don't understand why you'd keep this from me!"

"It's not mine to tell! Besides, the Matthews found out when they came home because -"

Shawn cuts me off, groaning in frustration. "I know how they found out. Were you two just planning on hiding this whole thing or what? Because apparently Riley keeps saying that they were never supposed to know. Did you say you'd help her keep it secret?"

"I never said that! But, really, can you blame her for wanting to keep quiet? What would you do if you were our age again? Because I'm pretty sure that you never would have said a thing." I can't help myself as my voice grows louder and I realise that I'm heading into an explosive argument. "Forget this! I'm going, I'll talk to you once we've calmed down." I declare before he can say anything else.

I storm out of my bedroom, then out of the apartment to stand in the hallway. Shawn doesn't come after me. My blue pyjama pants don't do much against the cold air crawling through the cracked open window that lets all the heat escape. My sock covered feet carry me to the stairwell and I sit there for a while. By the time I consider heading back inside, daylight is bleeding in through the small windows and the thought of dealing with the consequences fully drains me.

A/N: Okay, forgive my writer's block. Continuing this story has actually been very difficult, but I wanted to put something out to celebrate 500 reads! If you can, please let me know what you think of this story so far, as I think some feedback could be very helpful. I am aware that it seems very much Riley focused right now but after the next chapter, I'm pretty sure that will change and you'll get some Joshaya fluff/angst/general interaction that shouldn't be swamped by unrelated drama afterwards. But for now, please forgive the side-plot and trust that it'll tie in.

Thank you so much for reading, and I do hope that I won't be waiting so long to update next time.