stomachaches

chapter two

Over the past few months, Frank had been experiencing exceedingly painful stomach cramps. The doctors didn't have a clue what was wrong. He was often doubled over in pain, or sick because the medication he was administered greatly weakened his immune system. He'd also begun putting on some weight, which Gerard never minded. He wanted as much Frank as he could possibly have so it never occurred to Gerard that Frank would find it so horribly unattractive.

"Now I don't have any problems with overweight people," Gerard remembers Frank explaining, a soft smile at his lips, it was always there, tugging his lips up into a sort of smile even when he wasn't happy.

"They can work it. I can't fuckin' work it." He finishes, a small giggle at the end. Gerard had only kissed him softly and said "Well, I like it."

                                      -

"I wish I'd said more. I wish I told him that it was just more of him to hold, and to love, and I wish I had payed more attention." Gerard says softly but with forceful emotion, so much so, that tears had began stinging his eyes, and he noticed, some of the audience.

"And I wish I could tell him something- anything, now."

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Gerard came home one evening from speaking at a downtown middle school full of students and teachers that scared the hell out of him. He knew frank would find it hilarious. He walked in the door, just excited to hear Frank's laugh, but found he wasn't in his usual place on the couch in the living room. He briefly wondered if he was in their bedroom trying to "surprise" Gerard.

"But Frankie wouldn't have done that. I remember he was so ashamed of what he looked like, he didn't even want to change clothes around me. I still, to this day, do not understand, nor will I ever understand, why he found himself so unattractive. I have yet to see anyone as gorgeous as him."

Tears were pooling in the corner of his eyes and his voice was wavering. A fitting memory of Frank crosses his mind. He'd said:

"If you don't come off that stage after speaking to those kids feeling as if you've expelled every demon, and do not feel emotionally drained, then than reevaluate what you're doing it for, Gerard."

                                        -

Gerard, growing increasingly worried about the fact Frank didn't appear to be home, and nothing was missing, he frantically dialed Frank's number into his phone.

                                        -

"I had the car and Frank didn't go on walks so I was thinking, "where the fuck is he?""

                                        -

He realized he hadn't checked the bathroom. Walking slowly towards the slightly ajar door, he had millions of wild, horrible things that could be waiting for him when he opened the door. He didn't actually think any of them would be true.