Skylar Alexandria

November, 13, 2014

Today was shit... honestly I don't even know why.

I woke up to snow falling. :( first snow. That means I am trapped by all the grey clouds. Winter is so depressing to me. 

I woke up, did school just like everyday. 

Went to dance at 4:30 expecting a contemporary class taught by Casey but no. Diana taught ballet after giving us a half hour talk about being consistent with the classes we take. So after class we ran the seven swans and partridge. 

Half way though the partridge dance. Diana told Remi (the girl I'm understudy for. I also don't like her very much) that she did something amazing. Her words stung. They hurt. After doing the dance, I went to the back room where my stuff was. I broke down, I couldn't stand it anymore. Rose hugged me then left with Callie. But Ella sat there with me, she hugged me. I cried on her shoulder for a while. Then she went to class. I had jazz next, I wiped my tears and went to class. 

Jazz was ok. As usual I has my hair tie that I snapped whenever I did something wrong. After the class the teacher, Tally, dismissed everyone but me. She asked me whats up. I started crying. She hugged me and we talked about how I feel like Diana doesn't like me, How the favorite is Remi, Everything. She said she's there for me, 

Rose's dad brought us home. The first thing I hear when I open my front door is, "go do some work". I couldn't see him, but I knew my brother and dad were in the kitchen. I was crying and went upstairs and got on here. I checked my Ipod (which is the only thing I have. Don't have a phone so i text from my Ipod) Tom, a guy that I know a little (he lives in MN), texted me. I hadn't heard from him since this summer. But he was always kinda my depression buddy, we helped each other. So I told him I wasn't ok tonight. We talked for a while. 

Over the summer I was really struggling with depression and self harm. My uncle, Adam (He's about 21) caught me crying and I told him everything. We agreed that if I ever needed him I would text him "I need pie". I thought about texting him, but I didn't.