Bethany flicked the ashes off the end of her cigarette, blowing out the smoke. Her mom took her to school early every day and headed off to her classroom. Bethany stayed outside to clear her head with the death stick she held in her hand. If her mom knew what she did on these early mornings, Bethany would be in deep trouble. But for Bethany, having by-the-book parents didn't make her a good girl, it taught her how to pretend to be one.
Standing in the back of the school, looking into an empty parking lot was how Bethany's days seemed to start. The smoke stung her eyes a bit as more ashes fell onto her black shirt. One slender hand brushed the ash away as the girl's thoughts wandered. The students would get there soon, swarming all around with their small talk. Bethany couldn't stand small talk. As if summoned by her thoughts, an old dark green jeep swerved its way haphazardly into the mostly empty parking lot. The car stopped, however, no one got out. The misty morning had already fogged up most of the windshield, making it almost entirely opaque. Bethany knew who was inside. That green jeep had driven her everywhere for three months when she was still too young enough to have a license.
Two skinny legs appeared, covered by snug lace-up boots. Baggy sweats and a grey long sleeve shirt that covered almost all of her skin. Emily Allen from sixteen to seventeen was two polar opposite people. Once smiley, bubbly and a genuine joy Emily was now the quietest person in school. Her old clustered curls had been flat ironed permanently over her face so she didn't have to see the outside world. But that didn't stop the outside world from seeing her.
Emily tripped slightly on air as she shut the door making Bethany crack a small smile. Emily always tripped. Bethany wanted to shout out, reach out, say something but as Emily got closer to the entrance that she was only twenty-five feet away her voice died in her throat.
Emily swung the door open, gaze still on her feet, and disappeared inside. Something stung Bethany's eyes. It wasn't smoke.
The feeling was one Bethany couldn't stand. She knew every second she waited set her further apart from Emily. She had to talk to her. Had to go after her. About thirty seconds passed of Bethany staring off into space, debating fiercely in her head about what the right thing to do was. She threw her cigarette down, stamping it under her foot, and dashed through the door.
"Emily!" She shouted, running down the hall. Bethany wasn't great at running, never had been for that matter, but she managed without pulling an Emily and sprawling on the floor. Despite all the noise Bethany had made, both shouting and running, Emily hadn't acknowledged her in the slightest, so Bethany tapped her shoulder swiftly. Emily started as though Bethany had tased her, swinging around her eyes wild. "It's just me," Bethany said lamely, trying to soothe her.
"B-bethany," Emily said, her voice was a bit hoarse. She didn't talk much. "Do you need something?" Her forcefully straightened hair fell back in front of her face.
"I just wanted to say..." Bethany suddenly didn't have the words. "Hi. We've missed you."
"Who's we?" Emily asked flatly. After Anna, their entire friend group had fallen apart. Bethany in all honesty was as alone as Emily without even trying to isolate herself.
"I don't know," Bethany forced a laugh. "But, uh, I miss you?" It sounded like a question, way less convincing than it should've been.
"Well," Emily took a deep breath. "I don't really miss you. Have a good day." And with that she was off down the hall to her locker.
Bethany sighed loudly, gazing at Emily's retreating back. Emily had been dealing blows like that to all her old friends, the whole "I don't miss you" or "I'm glad you are out of my life". But, you could tell, behind her guarded expression, she never ever meant it.
"Hey Forrest," the voice was recognizable already.
"Anderson," Bethany wheeled around. "Long time, no see."
The first time Bethany met Rory, she had to admit he was a bit intimidating. Rory spoke football fluently, and had a reputation for being a pretty aggressive player. It was all in the looks though. Rory was surprisingly sensitive, and smarter than people realized. He was a fierce friend and tried to keep the group together after Anna, setting up hangouts but that was a lost cause from the beginning.
He would talk to Bethany now and then, a last ditch effort to stay friends with the compulsive loner she'd become.
"What did you want with Allen?" He asked, staring at the back of Emily's overalls as she unlocked her locker. Some of the kids that got to school earliest started to filter in so it wasn't just Bethany, Emily and Rory.
"I don't really know," Bethany looked at her black boots. "I don't know what I expected, it's been almost a year and nothing changes. I should just cut the shit and stop trying,"
"Naw, it's good that you at least have the heart to try."
"I don't," Bethany whispered.
"Don't what?"
"Have the heart. My heart broke a while ago." She looked down, scared that she had said too much. Something made her blurt that out, the pain inside her was almost too much. She didn't look Rory in the eye, but she didn't need to.
"Beth," he said. She hadn't heard that in a while, it was a nickname that vanished with Anna. "No one's heart is really ever okay. I have to go open my lock, it's so screwed up. I can't be tardy again, but it was good to see you. You should come to the game on Friday. Alicia will be there." And with that, Rory left just as fast as he'd come.
Bethany shook her head to clear the cobwebs, Emily and Rory on the same day had been an unhealthy dose of deja vu from when they used to be friends. Deep down, Bethany knew nothing good would come of trying to be friends again.
The first bell interrupted her short contemplation, reminding her that the rest of the student body would be arriving soon and she was standing in the middle of the hallway right in the traffic zone.
