hold me || woosan

six

it's d-day.

yunho's mom had cooked some cuisines to welcome wooyoung, hired an extra cleaning service to make sure every part of the house is clean, or at least welcoming.

now, mr. jeong is picking wooyoung from his uncle's house. san could see fear running on yunho's eyes when he passed the kitchen.

"mom, i am scared," he confessed. 

"i know, me too, baby. but let's just work on our best to take a good care of wooyoung," his mom answered with a really loving sound.

feeling sinful because of eavesdropping, san went to his room to change his clothes. not long after, a call from his brother.

"hyung. how're ya?" 

"i'm good. how 'bout you?" 

"i'm fine. it's just-uh- when will you come home? you haven't visit us in almost two weeks," 

"jongho, i am sorry. university's demand and also the part time job, it's kinda exhausting," san confessed to his brother. 

"i know. but, mom-she-she wasn't in good condition. i heard things about how her paycheck were getting cut–it's just bad, hyung. do you have time to visit the house?" 

san gulped. he knew things like that could trigger her mom's inner demon. 

his mom was unstable.

after their father left, his mom was never okay.

one day she could be really happy and bubbly, the next day she could be angry and full of hatred.

he didn't care that much about his mom, but he was afraid about what jongho might experienced at the house. 

jongho and san had their differences. not in terms of personality, but their physical appereances. 

san had the eyes of his mum, while jongho got the big brown eyes from their father, another demon who lit up mess in san's life. 

every time his mother snapped, she could land her hand on jongho maybe for breathing too loud, for standing too close, for any stupid reasons she could find.

all just to blame jongho. 

blaming jongho for something he himself couldn't control. 

but jongho was strong.

even stronger than san.

he stayed. he stayed for his mom, waiting for her bubbly and cheerful heart to take over.

unlike jongho, san left.

he wanted to earn money, to take care of his brother better. he remembered pulling jongho in the middle of the night, asking him to follow san to move to yunho's place, where hongjoong and seonghwa was already there.

"i cant hyung, mom needs me. you can go, i'll be fine," jongho confessed. it was too genuine and too pure. 

as pure as jongho usually is. 

"okay, i'll come tomorrow, okay?" san said to jongho. 

"sure! and hyung?"

"hm?"

"don't worry about me, okay?"

this. 

those words never fails to make san's heart clenched by guilt. and shame. 

shame, that he need to lie to his brother.  

because he always worry about his brother. that's the least he could do.