Hamm

Drunken phone calls

I'd been rehearsing lots. We'd done the play before in London, but the move to america had brought some changes and Tom, Charlie and I had been away for a while and had forgotten lots of lines. It was an intense few weeks but I loved it. I loved the theatre, I was loving New York and Jon and I were managing to see as much of each other as possible.

But as opening night came and went and we got back into the swing of things, reality set in a little more. Jon had been away in Atlanta for a week or so and I was missing having him around. We'd settled into a blissful early relationship bubble and that was about to pop.

"Are you in love then?" Charlie asked as he, Tom and I sat having a late dinner after our Saturday show.

"I guess Kinda" I mumbled finishing my drink. We'd got talking about relationships quite an lot at the moment. Tom was seeing someone new and we were enjoying teasing him, but I guess I was on the receiving end tonight.

"Have you said it?" Tom asked.

"Fuck no! I won't be the first to either. I'm not even sure that's what he's after?"

"What's not what he's after? Love?" Tom seemed concerned

"A relationship. I guess and love, and all the other shit that goes with it"

"What makes you say that? Then man's basically moved you into his house, he's spent every moment he's not working - with you, on the other side of the country to where he actually lives! That all seems like a pretty big deal to me" Tom correctly pointed out.

"Yeah, but we don't really go out in public together, there's not really any talk of longevity. He split with Jen, like 6 months ago, they were together for ever! I'm pretty sure I'm a re-bound!" The boys went quiet.

"Really?" Tom tilted his head to one side with a soppy look.

"Really. There's no talk of future. He's like nearly 15 years older than me, no talk of even meeting families. It's just been sex for a few months." I continued despite both boys trying to solve it all "it's been fun. And great sex. And I'm happy with that. I just wish I hadn't fallen for him as well"

I guess they didn't really know what to say. And if I'm honest neither did I. So we moved on. We ate dinner and set off home. Charlie got in one cab, Tom walked me the two blocks to Jon's apartment and gave me a kiss on the cheek good night before he headed home.

I tried my best to switch off from relationship thoughts and snuggled up in bed next to one of Jon's jumpers. I woke far too early the next morning to my phone ringing. I pawed are the flashing screen for it to ring off and silence again. I picked it up to see who would call in the early hours of the morning to see a slew of messages and missed calls from Jon.

Hamm: can you call me please xxx

Hamm: Grace. Answer your phone. X

Hamm: please answer your fucking phone. We need to talk.

Hamm: I'm overreacting now I know but I just want to talk to you.

Hamm: please

I read the messages quickly and panicked at what could be so urgent. I was about to dial his number when he called again.

"Hello?" I answered a little groggy and still confused as hell.

"Fuck. Grace. You answered" he sounded slurry.

"Well yeah. It's the middle of my night, and I woke to my phone full of messages from you that don't sound great. Are you ok?"

"No. I mean. I'm like safe and shit, but I'm..."

"Drunk" I chastised.

"Well yeah, that. But... are you fucking Tom?" He blurted.

"What!"

"Are you and Tom, you know sleeping with each other ?" He repeated just as matter of factly as before.

"No! What would you say that?" I was defensive and I think deservedly so.

"There's pictures of him and you in the press" he paused and I heard the swig of a bottle "at my fucking apartment" he sounded mad.

"What the fuck Jon I..."

"The photos show you at dinner and then making out at the apartment block. I guess I don't mind, I mean we've not really defined anything. I just didn't think you'd take someone back to my fucking apartment to screw about!" He raised his voice as he ranted more interrupting me every time to tried to explain.

"Have you finished?" I sternly asked when he'd lost steam and trailed off. I was met by silence. "I don't really want to have this conversation with you when you're drunk, but no, Tom and I are not sleeping with each other. We are nothing more than friends and will never be anything more than that. I'm really fucking sad that you'd think I could do that to you. Yes we haven't defined anything, but I certainly wouldn't do anything like that, and you're right especially not whilst staying in your fucking house!" I heard him sigh down the phone. "Are you there?"

"Yeah" he answer softly.

"Yes - I went to dinner with him, and Charlie, tonight. Yes - Tom walked me back, but we didn't fucking make-out Jon! We kissed cheeks goodbye and he went home. No romantic dinners, no making out, and certainly no screwing! I don't know if you were drinking before or whatever, but what you think you saw, or what the paps have got an angle of - is not what happened. Now, I'm going to hang up. You're going to sober up and i will call you in the morning. Ok?" The line was quiet, I could hear his drunken breathing heavy on the line so I knew he was there.

"Ok" he repeated.

"Drink some water. I'll call you in the morning" I reinforced.

"Yeah" his reply was flat and I wished I could be with him.