Sunflower

24

CHARLIE POV

We spend all day Saturday walking around the city, popping into galleries and cafes, acting like tourists despite both of us being Londoners (well, at least for now). We don't leave each other's sides and I wonder what he's missing out on by spending the entire day and night with me. Is Diesel taken care of? Do his parents wonder if he's okay? Are his friends feeling abandoned? I'm the lucky one who doesn't have those responsibilities on this side of the pond. If we were in New York, well that would be another story. My friends would be all over me, calling me out for ghosting them, and my parents would be nosing around, trying to figure out what I'm up to. I can't tell if Hero is wrestling with any of this or if he's just refusing to leave the bubble we've created.

On Sunday morning, we find ourselves eating donuts on my bed; Hero slipped out before I woke up and picked up a dozen from the bakery around the corner, one of each kind because he didn't know what I liked. I lick the stickiness off my thumb and index finger after I take a bite from my favorite – plain glazed.

As he blows on the coffee in his disposable cup, he asks, "So we didn't get to talk about it – do you want to go to Marcus's tonight?"

I take another bite and chew, buying time to figure out how to respond. 

The truth is I don't. I didn't have fun last time and, while I know I didn't give the party itself (or the partygoers) all that much of a chance, I'm fairly confident I won't feel any FOMO if I skip it. Plus, I haven't talked to Steph about this Hero situation and the longer I can put off that conversation, the better. It's weird mostly because I'm not close to her and can't fathom how I would even broach the topic with her.

Also, part of me thinks it might not be a bad idea for Hero and I to spend a day apart. We've been pretty full-on since Post Malone and, while I want nothing more than to live in the fantasy of this dorm room with him forever, the whole thing has also felt kind of fast. 

"Would you be offended if I said no?" I wince, bracing for his answer.

"No, of course not," he replies quickly. Too quickly?

"It's just that I have so much to do before work tomorrow and I like to use my Sundays to get organized for the week," I hurriedly explain. "And I have a FaceTime date planned with Ashley tonight," I continue, referencing my best friend who I haven't properly downloaded on everything since the concert. We've exchanged texts so she knows about Hero, and of course she saw the Instagram insanity. But Lord knows I need a real catch-up with her – especially since I don't have a lot of friends over here (make that any friends!) that I can talk to. I look up at Hero as I suck the glaze off my thumb. I can't read him and it's making me nervous.

"No, that's cool. I get it," he replies taking a massive bite of a powdered sugar donut, so big that only a small piece remains in his fingers. White sugar collects in the corners of his mouth and dots his tshirt. "Speaking of planning for the week, I have to go to Paris for work on Thursday." 

Woah - what?! So many thoughts swirl around my brain like the circling remnants of a bath eager to get down the drain. How long will he be in Paris? What is he doing there? Who will he be with? Paris – a city I've been dying to go to my whole life – imagine a trip to Paris with Hero... What am I supposed to do while he's gone? Our bubble will surely pop when he's traipsing around the Champ Elysee and I'm sitting here eating leftover pizza for dinner.

This news bums me out more than it should, but I try to mask my disappointment. "Oh yeah? For how long? And for what?"

"A book signing for After," he says, fighting to swallow the last part of his donut, which he does by taking a swig of his coffee. "The plan now is for me to fly there on Thursday night and come back on Friday when it's over." His tongue licks white sugar from the corners of his mouth.