Hyunho Oneshots

Hurt~~angst

Inspired by the song 끝나지 않을 이야기 by Stray Kids.
❗️WARNING❗️
Mentions of self harm and death. If you are not comfortable with that then please don't read!!
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(Hyunjins POV)

The only way for me to suppress my emotions is by drinking. I know it's horrible but it's the only choice I had. I'm just hurt inside. Everything around me has broken down. All because of one person. The one I loved so badly was the one who hurt me. We had so many great memories together, he didn't even look unhappy. It seemed as though he truly wanted to be with me. Sometimes when you finally think everything will be great again, it will suddenly come crashing down on you, crushing you until you can't breath anymore. It feels as though everyday I'm being held by millions of chains, keeping me from doing what I want to do. I don't have anyone to pick up my lost pieces for me. There's no one to glue them back together when they fall. It hurts.

So I went to drinking. It's what really makes me feel like I have some sort of way to live in this world. It's like there's someone there comforting me in the sadness. When really, there's nobody. And when I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache, I think back to the amazing past I had with that amazing person. It's sad knowing you could be that happy once and then have all of that happiness disappear in the blink of an eye. Everyday, I hope for something to happen in my depressing life. Something or someone, that will truly make me feel loved and important again. No matter how much I hope and pray and beg, my wishes never come true. So I've just given up. Knowing that I'll forever be alone with nobody there to hold me in their arms and tell me it's okay.

~flashback~
Minho hyung said he had a surprise for me after school today! He's always saying he has something to show me. He says it's because he wants to spoil me because I'm his little baby. He really makes me feel special in so many ways. After school I headed out to the back of the school where the flowers are at. There I saw my beautiful boyfriend holding a bouquet of flowers. I smiled when I saw that they were my favorite type of flower, roses. Once I made it up to him he took my hand and started telling me all the things he loved about me. He said that he loved all the little hand gestures that I did and my weird way of speaking. He said that he would never let me get hurt and would beat anyone up if they ever made me cry. He told me he loved me and that he never wanted to let me go. It made my heart burst with so many emotions. I started crying falling into his chest. He hugged me tight before pulling me into a kiss. It was our first kiss ever shared together. It was sweet and full of love. I never wanted the moment to end. He pulled away and wiped my stray tears, telling me everything is okay. I smiled at him hugging him again loving his embrace. He told me to turn around. I did and felt something cold on my neck. I looked down and saw a necklace being placed on me. It was the most beautiful piece of metal I have ever seen. It was full of colors and had so many stars on it. On the back it said 'I am your moon and you are my star' I had absolutely no idea what that meant but it was the sweetest thing ever. I started crying again and he hugged me so tight that day. I had the biggest smile I had ever had for a long time that day.

~flashback end~

Don't you wish that you could go back to the past sometimes? It feels like once you get older and know what love truly is, you then find out all the heartbreaking parts to it that you never knew when you were younger. You finally see what love is. Love is something that many people cherish, but it's something that I wish that never existed. By me loving someone, I've turned into this monster that makes me feel hopeless. My limbs feel weak and it feels as though my bones will break in one simple touch. It's just painful living this life and waking up everyday. Everyone that I had in my life before just disappeared. All of them left with the one I loved.

Here I am on the street, thinking about my past memories, while quietly crying just trying to get back to the comfort of my bed. I just want to be loose from all these chains. I don't want to be held by them anymore. I want to look behind me and see someone picking up all my broken pieces. Someone there to glue them back together and make me whole again. I can't stand being broken everyday of my life. And then I get the dark thoughts. The ones where I belittle myself. Where I say that I'm an ugly and horrible person that has no reason to continue walking on this shitty planet. I mean no one would even care if I left anyway...right?

I throw myself on my bed and scream into my pillow, my tears rushing down and onto my pillow. I get up and walk to the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror, disgusted with what I see. I feel my throat burning as the tears continue flowing down my face, my jaw clenched. I look over to the razor, taking it into my hand. I could easily end it all. But why do I not want to. There's something holding me back. I don't like it. I need to just leave this world. I put the razor down and fall to the floor.

My heads resting on the door while I cry my heart out, wishing I could have my love back. Wishing he never left me. Wishing I was just...perfect enough for him to still love me.

I'm just so damn hurt

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Hey..
Sorry for not updating much. I'm back to that rough period in my life. A few days ago I was so happy but all of that just went completely down hill. I really try my hardest to show everyone I'm doing fine when I just want to break down and tell someone how I feel. I feel trapped and alone. Like there's no one for me to lean on. I feel so broken and empty. I don't know what to do anymore to be honest. I hope you all understand..I feel upset with myself for not updating even when I said I would. So I'm truly sorry for that. I'll do better..I promise.
Bye
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Word Count: 1184