We learned about drugs in like, probably in Year Five.
Back then, i thought drugs were the root of all evil, and that anyone who used them were just dropkicks who didn't realize what they were doing to themselves.
I'm in Year Ten now, and flash backing back to my old theory of how drugs and alcohol were the epitome of awful-ness, i have obtained a new hypothesis of narcotics.
I thought they were the answer to retain the entry to my own imagination, and that i needed them to feel a little, i guess, real.
I learned why people used them, mostly sad people, just to try something, that might either make things better or worse, because they have nothing to lose.
Often, it takes a big fall for people to turn to drugs, and sometimes it might be something that feels like a huge loss to them, like being dumped, cheated on, you know, and they just decide to go somewhere, get what they need and smoke it, inject it, whatever they need to do to take a bit of a risk because they solidly believe that nothing is going to get any better or any worse than their situation already is in that point in time.
I found that i turned to drugs after i had, basically, tolerated everything enough.
I was different to anyone else who was sad and turned to drugs, I was probably just another statistic of mislead teenagers that were the scum and disgrace of their generation.
What made me turn to drugs was pretty much neglect from other people.
I remember the day, everything that happened when i first, you know, tried drugs, and i felt like a lunatic even just recounting this, but it's true and i hope no one gets the wrong idea about me, because i wasn't always like this, we're all born pure, and it's just the world we're born into that makes us who we are.
The day was pelting down with sleets of rain, the sky was glassy grey, and everything felt black and white, and it was Thursday. It was because of the disgusting weather that i had missed the bus, and i was sentenced to walking to the nearest phone booth to call someone to pick me up or whatever.
By this stage, I was pretty much done with everything that was going on in my life, I had discovered that two of my cousins had severe cancers running through their bodies and it was at medium-stages, so their cancer certainly wasn't an early detection.
Our family friend, a family man who's name was Marcel Thwaits, was dying from, coincidentally, cancer, which was too late to treat, the cancer was running all through his organs of his body, and it had grown to massive proportions, and it was impossible for doctors to do anything about it, the only thing they could give him was morphine to numb the pain.
This week, I had been messaged via social media from an old love that i used to have, that he had successfully managed to forget all about me, and i felt absolutely excellent that he had informed me on his progress on where his relationship status was currently. He told me, he was over me, over us, over our relationship, no longer on his mind, no longer concerned, no longer worried, no longer in love, no longer happy at the sight of me, no longer succeeding in making him happy, no longer wanted in his life, no longer a relevant part of his life, no longer the person he laid eyes on, no longer important.
He liked another girl, she had a better personality and i was unapproachable and unsocial. I suppose i don't really blame him for getting over me, i tried my best to talk to him whenever he looked upset and gloomy, sitting away from everybody else.
I did care about him for a long time, a very long time, over a year.
I used to look at old messages between me and him, the arguments of "I love you more - no i love you more", and those arguments are only ever proven when you see who gets over one another first. It turns out I loved him most, but it wasn't really a huge accomplishment, and the prize was only the feeling of being stabbed multiple times in the heart.
I'll talk about him later...he isn't part of this anymore, I'm trying to forget him.
I tried drugs when I saw him throwing himself in this girl's arms, in the park up against a watery tree a long time ago, too. The looks he gave to her, he never gave to me, the time he put into her, that he never put into me. And it was bucketing down rain, and my vision was blurry, but i recognized his blonde hair and it struck me that i cared about him still.
They were still immersed in each other, when i was still in the middle of the road, barley outside of the school when i heard the loudest, scariest sound i had ever heard in my life.
A truck was right in front of me, and i only just managed to get out of the way in time, and the boy and his new girl were still kissing.
I felt invisible, irrelevant. He knew everything about me.
I had already realized i wasn't important to me, but just watching him and her being so in love made me discover how much i didn't matter to him.
Turning away, I visited an old friend, who i had always thought was a crazy kid who i'd never associate with.
I met him in my art elective, he got put in my art class because he didn't choose an elective, and art was the only subject with space left, so he came into our classroom and sat with me. I remember he always had a particular smell to him, that had a few smells, he smelt like oily herbs, citrus, freshly mown grass and sort of 'spicy'.
Later, I found out he was the smell of marijuana.
He invited me to smoke marijuana with him, and go for rides in his brother's car, do donuts and stuff at his place, which was out of town. I always turned down the offers he gave me, because i was too shy, and I was kind of afraid and i sometimes felt like i didn't know him very well.
He gave me his address on his last day at school, when he left, if i ever changed my mind about the offers he gave me, i could visit him.
I walked to his place, his parents were never home and his eyes were always bloodshot, and i knew he was always probably high.
I explained my situation to him, in sketch detail, but he just wanted to get me inside since i was practically soaked in rainwater.
So, he gave me LSD, acid, and marijuana, saying he was proud of me for exceeding his expectations, so he gave me with no extra charge.
I wasn't frightened when i did the marijuana at first, like he had directed me to. He said the LSD and acid tab could last for 7-12 hours, and you can make a real fool of yourself on that drug, and i wasn't in the mood for an acid trip.
I became addicted. I fell into a dark paradise.
