One Temptation (ManxMan)

A First Time for Everything

Ren

Xavier sits before me, his green eyes looking deep into my soul. We stare intensely at each other, my eyes dare him to look away. His black eyebrows pinch in concentration and I raise one of mine. His beauty is overwhelming me, but my eyes are starting to water. I wish I could kiss him over and over until I lose track of time, but that hasn't happened. Right now, we sit in a fast food restaurant with a mountain of french fries, a large box of chicken nuggets and two milkshakes. I haven't been to a place like this in ages. Xavier insisted, but I am quite pleased with his decision.

However, now we sit locked in a staring contest. The winner takes the last chicken nugget. He truly brings out the playful side of me and I have absolutely nothing against it. My love for him grows every second we're together. Xavier lists a french fry and moves it toward my face. He's being clever, trying to distract my gaze. I feel the tip of the fry jab my cheek. Without breaking eye contact, Xavier tries again. This time it jabs my upper lip and I stifle a laugh.

"Do you need glasses?" I tease.

"No, but you're going to need them when this french fry goes in your eye." His eyebrows bounce as he finishes his sentence.

My eyes are starting to lose focus and with much disappointment, I close my eyes and look away. I quickly open my eyes again and snag the french fry from his hand with my teeth. If I had won, I would have given him the chicken nugget anyway. However, I enjoy playing these little games with him. Xavier's nose wrinkles as he smiles. With every fiber in my body, I wish I could just fling myself across the table and kiss that smile. Unfortunately, I'm too afraid to do anything like that in public.

"Ren..." Xavier's voice is soft, but serious.

I look up, meeting his eyes again.

"You make me really happy." His face is flushed and he smiles.

My chest is growing warm, but my face is getting hot. If homosexuality puts me in hell, this is so worth it.

"You make me really happy too." I reply while brushing my fingers across his.

As I study his smile, my mind runs wild. I never imagined that I would be so comfortable being in a relationship with a man. My entire life I have always thought love felt forced and unnatural. When I first discovered my sexuality, I forced it so far down inside of me. I was disgusted, I felt like an abomination. Throughout high school and most of college, I was repulsed with myself. For so long, I believed that I was not worthy of being loved.

I forced myself into short lived relationships with women, thinking I was just going through a phase. Some force inside of me gave me the strength to take my first step to self-acceptance and ask Xavier on a date. The sudden lust I felt for him at that moment has slowly shifted, and expanded into what I'm able to recognize as love. My desires may still be strongly in place, but now it is so much deeper.

As I finish a box of fries, I feel nervous again, "Would you like to come back to my place? I have more wine and I also have more popcorn."

Xavier's eyes light up, "I would be delighted..."

The house is lit warmly as usual and Xavier removes his jacket and hangs it on a coat hanger in the hallway. He's wearing his typical casual outfit of black jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. He moves further into the house and into the kitchen. I hear the clinking of wine glasses from the cabinet and a smile comes across my face. Despite Xavier never getting a full tour of the house, he seems to know his way around the essentials.

I turn the other way, moving into my bedroom where I can change into something a little more comfortable. Normally, most of my day is spent in business clothes. After a long day, a soft t-shirt and slippers proves to be quite therapeutic. With the toe of one foot, I slide off one of my shoes, then the other. It's nice to feel the plush carpet under my feet. My fingers are working to undo the knot in my tie. I feel anxiety jump into my stomach as I hear Xavier in the doorway.