One Temptation (ManxMan)

Sad Song

Xavier

Lava still flows through my veins even though the setting has calmed. Ren rests in my arms, his face against my chest. Even though his tears have ceased, I still stroke his hair gently. I've never seen him so vulnerable and it pains me to know his parents are responsible. I didn't ask what happened, I only assume it's devastating. 

My boyfriend is quiet, if I didn't know better I would think he was sleeping. We didn't make it very far into the house before he lost the will to move any further. I sit with my back against the wall in the foyer. The house is quiet and there are opened boxes just a few feet away. I had begun packing up all of Ren's small glass decorations across the house when he messaged me his SOS. Ren's slender fingers are gripping the fabric of my t-shirt, his hands grasping for stability. 

Slowly, I lean my face down and hiss the top of his head. All of my movements are slow and cautious in hopes I don't startle him. My small motion causes him to stir, rolling his face to me and meeting my eyes. Ren's skin is tinted pink and there are red rings around his blood shot eyes. I don't want him to stress himself out and risk his progress in recovery.

Finally I speak in a whisper, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He swallows and sighs, "My mom is homophobic."

"Did you get outed?" I question gently.

He shakes his head, "No, she doesn't have a clue... I think."

I run my fingers through his messy brown hair with a small poke of humor, "Do you need me to murder someone? I would not prefer dating you through prison bars, but... I'll take my chances."

Ren's eyes squint and he smiles before looking away, "No, the thought is nice, but I would like you to move in with me, not another inmate."

Seeing his smile lifts my spirits. The lines crease around his eyes and curve around his mouth. His brown eyes don't hold the joy for long and I see the despair building in his gaze. The light leaves his eyes and his smile falters. It's not late in the night, but he looks so tired. After his surgery he lost a lot of his energy. It's not unexpected for open heart surgery, but I never imagined it to be so drastic. 

Sleep has been a good friend to Ren these past couple of months. I know he's itching to get back to a normal routine. For me, I want to hover over him and be protective, but that's not what he needs. He doesn't need a parent, he needs a companion. No amount of my fussiness will improve his mood. 

"What can I do to help?" I rest my head against his.

I feel Ren's vulnerability start to shift away and his willingness to talk about his past is diminishing. I feel his smooth hands sliding into my hair and his eyes return to me. He's so beautiful even though I still see pain in his face. He kisses me and I feel his lips soft against mine. He's surprisingly gentle as he pulls away.

"Play for me?" His eyes are sincere and his eyebrows lift.

Warmth floods me and I smile, "Fine, but you need you get up."

We help each other off the floor until I can move across the room to retrieve my guitar resting against the arm of the couch. As I take a seat on one of the cushions placing the guitar in my lap. I feel the rough worn wood and the rough strings against my calloused fingers. As I adjust my positioning on the couch, Ren sits on the couch beside me with an ice pack from the kitchen. I smile as he wraps himself in a blanket, placing the ice over his breastbone. 

"What do you want me to play?" 

Ren closes his eyes, resting his head against my shoulder, "A sad song."

This has been our routine the past few months. Ren has persuaded me to play the guitar for him. He claims it's to help heal him with love, but I know he's just trying to renew my passion in the arts. I'm almost mad that it's been working. 

After a few years of bad luck, I lost all hope in pursuing my passions as a musician. I felt like I was going down the same hole of failure. Ren has renewed my faith that at least someone enjoys listening to me play. He just sits with his eyes closed and listens, occasionally smiling. It reminds me of how I loved playing for others. 

Even when I was a kid, music was my escape. I look over at Ren again and study his face in the soft lighting. His skin is almost flawless with a few small freckles under his right eye. His skin is stretched over his cheekbones and they are more pronounced now than when we met. Even though I see his beauty, I know there's an unspoken agony resting beneath the surface. Agony much different than the produced by the long scar down his chest. How is it possible that I felt so stuck in place before I met him. Now, time is moving faster than ever. 

Why have I been standing still this whole time? How can this human being inspire me with only a glance? I don't want to be pulled underwater again, but I'm not afraid because I know Ren will be there to rescue me from the current. 

I feel myself moving closer to him. I study his hands, they are long and slender as they relax against his chest. I'm almost startled as his eyes flutter open and meet my gaze. 

"Renjiro." I say gently, surprising myself when I speak.

His eyebrows raise as I say his full name. I don't even realize that I've stopped playing the guitar until I've put it onto the floor. I pull one of his hands away from the ice pack and intertwine our fingers. 

"I love you so much. I want you to trust me like I trust you. I know these past couple of months I've gotten on your nerves, but I've never wanted to be with you more. One day, I hope you will share your past with me." I study his face and a smile spreads across his lips.

He moves slowly to sit up, the pack of ice falling into his lap as he reaches to touch my face with his other hand. I feel the cold touch of his fingertips, but I can't stop staring at his eyes. 

"Xavier Caine, I love you. I want you to have every piece of me. Yes, sometimes you're annoying, but I know I've been much worse than you'll ever be." I laugh at his teasing and he grins, "Xavier, I have never been more in love with anyone."

I inch forward and I press my forehead against his. As I kiss him, I feel him smiling against my lips. As he pulls away, I see him flinch in pain and he grimaces. There's a pang of worry in my chest. Even though Ren is recovering quickly, it doesn't mean he is doing amazing. His hand clasps mine with less strength than normal and I wonder how long its been since he slept.

I pat his arm and go to stand, "Alright you need to go to bed." I shake my head at this groan of protest and hold out my hands to help him up, "You're exhausted and don't try to argue." 

After his routine of washing his face brushing his teeth and changing into pajamas, I help him into bed. He rests on his back in a mound of pillows to keep him from rolling over. Quietly, I move back into the rest of the house, turning off lights and tidying a few things. After moving to the fridge to refill Ren's water, I move back into the bedroom. 

I can feel a small smile curling across my lips as I see my love already fast asleep. I place the cup on the table beside his bed and look over. His cellphone rests in his fingers still and I gently pick it up and place it on the night stand. Slowly, I pull the warm comforter up around his shoulders and lean in to kiss his head. One day, I know he'll be okay again and I hope I'm there when he is.