merlin angst one shots

Past Memories

Merlin has dementia. He was diagnosed with it about 2 years ago, and ever since his memories have slowly been fading. Now, he can't remember anything. Well, almost anything. He still remembers a light. What light, he doesn't know. Just a light. A warm, bright light that he knows he's been waiting for a long time to see again, and he remembers how that light made him feel, he remembers it perfectly. Dementia doesn't erase feelings, you know.

Anyway, Merlin was going about his day, which wasn't much. He lived in a retirement home. Merlin wasn't allowed to be fully alone, since he might get hurt, but they don't assist in his living style. This is good, because one thing Merlin has never forgotten, is his magic. Why? He doesn't know, nor why no one else seems to have it, but he does know he was supposed to hide it. It's all he remembers ever doing, keeping his magic a secret, so that's what he continues to do.

No one knows of it, not even his closest friend, who he isn't actually that close with. Merlin didn't know why, however, he wasn't close with this person. It just seems as if something was holding him back, something he couldn't place, figure out. It was bothering him.

This man Merlin was friends with was so nice, so generous... but that didn't seem to matter with Merlin. There was always something keeping him from truly finding a connection, so one day he gave up, and now, he's basically forgotten him.

Merlin also decided he wouldn't try and push himself to remember that feeling of missing something in his life. It was such a lonely feeling he actually wanted to forget it, but no such luck. The feeling followed him wherever he went, no matter what.

Today, Merlin wanted to get out of the house, so he became his young self once more. He didn't do this often, it was like a painful memory for him, yet he still didn't know why. When he did, though, he used it to his full potential. This body was young, he could move around with little to no pain. He actually quite preferred this body, a lot, but there was always that pit in his stomach. It's what kept him from using it more often.

Merlin packed a small backpack of stuff and headed out of the home, planning a nice, relaxing time at the lake nearby.

Merlin always felt so... drawn to this particular lake. The exhilarating feeling of just being by it made him feel whole, it made that hole of dispare disappear, and, instead, replaced it with the feeling of hope, and love. It was strange, really. It felt so familiar, yet so distant. Like something he hadn't experienced in a very, very long time. That's probably why he went there so often. But it also made him sad. He knew something was missing in his life, and when he visited the lake, it only made that feeling worse. Merlin even tried to sit at a different body of water once. Hated every minute of it.

Merlin was snapped out of his thoughts when he bumped into somebody. He turned abruptly and picked up his bag, apologizing to the girl he accidentally knocked. They went their separate ways, Merlin leaving incredibly embarrassed. He felt bad, he hoped he didn't hurt her in any way. Actually she was kind of cute, but he didn't notice.

Merlin finally arrived at the lake. He sat down on his usual bench. It had the perfect view of the water, and he could see the mountains in the back. It was so peaceful, he never wanted to leave. The serene silence and isolation from civilization was nice, he overly cherished it. People were just so... obnoxious, and loud, and just too much. It reminded him of someone he used to know... but who that person was... he couldn't remember.

The burden on dementia, sadly, and he only had a mild case. Merlin couldn't imagine what it would be like forgetting almost your entire existence. It sounded like torture. He would always feel so sad when thinking of it, so he tired to avoid it, but that never seemed to last.