tokyo.

IX

i walked through the streets, at this time no one was really out, a car would pass by ever few minutes but that was about it.

i had been walking around, soju in my hand, taking sips every now and then. the sips of soju were almost addicting.

i tried thinking of lyrics for a song, but they were interrupted by my drunk thoughts.

my mind began to become fuzzy, crossing my feet as i walked drunkenly. but i just kept drinking.

"f-fuck..." i slurred.

namjoon stop.

"y-you-you sh~should stop."

stop drinking namjoon please....

"what difference~ will it make hm?"

please stop. you're doing this because of me...

"damn~right."

please namjoon..please stop.

"you did this to me! i cant fucking stop! fuck!"

out of nowhere i threw the bottle of soju, the glass shattered on the concrete. i lost my balance as i threw the bottle with lots of force, tripping over my feet. luckily my hands caught me.

namjoon-

"s-stop...get out of my head...please..." i started to cry.

i began to cry hard. i sat on the curb, elbows resting on my knees, balling my hair in my fists. sobbing uncontrollably.

i looked up and realized where i was. i was in front of a cafe. mr. lee's cafe.

i looked in the street. this is where mina got hit.

i pictured her wreckened car in the street, those annoying red and blue lights that will illuminate my mind forever.

i fucking miss her.

i don't care how many times i've already said it.
i will say it more. in fact, there are probably no more words to express how much i miss her.

the feeling is so terrible. i've never felt like so much shit in my life, my whole body was in pain, my heart felt like it wasn't even beating anymore.

i don't even feel like myself anymore, i almost can't even remember what happiness feels like anymore. her death took all of that away from me.

i didn't know what i missed more though, myself or her face.

wait a minute.

do i miss myself?

do i miss your face?

i don't know...i don't know.

how fucking perfect. i quickly typed down those words into my notes on my phone, stuffing it back into my pocket.

---

i watched as he typed into his phone. how he cried, over me.

i was dead, but seeing him cry because of me killed me even more.

i've been watching over him, he's so sad, and lost. jungkook is too but, not as much as namjoon.

i've figured out how to show myself and how to get into his head. right now, i decided to stay hidden. i sat next to him on the curb, staring right at my crashing sight.

it almost feels like yesterday when it happened.

i don't even remember how it happened, it happened so fast, that car practically came out of nowhere.

i put my hand on namjoon's. his warmth flooded into my hand. i missed him.

i put my head on his shoulder, hugging his arm,
like i always used to do.

i smiled, as the tears fell from my eyes, disappearing into thin air.

---

a sudden weight was on my whole right arm. it's her. she's here. she's here with me.

i smiled. i looked up as i saw a car pull up. the headlights turned off as it parked. i saw someone in the window, staring straight ahead of them.

i couldn't really see the color of the car, i didn't have my glasses with me and my eyes were still a bit blurry from my tears.

i furrowed my eyebrows as i studied the person in the car, and the entire car itself.

why did that car look familiar?

i squinted my eyes, i've seen that car. but i don't know where. the car was red.

i saw the person in the car look my direction, i got up and began walking towards the car.

the car began to start, but it didn't start right away, it took a few tries to start up the car. this person seemed like they were in a rush, when they see me.

"hey!" i yelled.

i started to run towards the car, it began to look more familiar to me.

the car started and the person took off, "hey! stop!"

i tried grabbing onto the trunk, the car skinning past my fingertips. i tried to remember the license plate.

7AJ....i couldn't remember the rest.

i've seen the car! where have i seen it?

now this is gonna kill me.

•••

oop- short chapter
[sorry for any grammatical errors]