Real Life Story : Something New

Chapter 8

**ALL THE EVENTS IN THIS STORY ARE REAL. FURTHER CAUTION OF DEPRESSION - SELF HARM - AND CURSE WORDS - AND VERY HEAVY ILLNESSES.  THIS STORY IS NONFICTION**

“Hey.” I texted with my little tracfone plastic supposed-to-be phone. I haven’t talked to Crystal since the last day of school. I felt terrible for yelling at her when all she wanted to do was help. She deserved an apology. She texted me back that it was okay and she wasn’t mad at me. I didn’t understand why she’d still talk to me. I didn’t deserve Crystal, I still don’t. 

The newly summer bored me to nights end and bright waking up mornings. I hated summer, there wasn’t anything to do and I was tired of sitting around and doing nothing. All I did was watch movies from my T.V from Netflix and just sat there on my bed. I would think about 8th grade. LIke how it would be. Would it be anything different from 7th grade? I was scared. I didn’t want it to be anything like 7th grade. I was only 14 and scared, insecure, jealous, disappointed, unworthy, selfish, and  lonely. 

I remember when I failed a grade. When my mom called my elementary school and forced them to put me back in the same grade. I overheard her conversation and listened deaply. My mom called me into the room and said that I failed a grade, that my Dyslexia was messing with me, that I didn’t learn anything that year, that I wasn’t good enough for the next grade. I stood there while she hunched over to get to my level and facing me with a sad look in her eyes. I knew she didn’t give a shit because if she did, I would be moving onto the next grade. 

I pushed my mom away and yelled at her. Being a sobbing mess and a disappointment to my family, friends, teachers, school, even to myself. I messed myself up. I didn’t pay attention, I didn't study, I didn’t want to learn, and failing a grade was my punishment. I was going to be behind my friends, behind my lifetime, going to be older than the kids I'd grown up with, being made fun of for one other thing. Just one more thing on the list of insults kids would throw at me to make me cry. That was almost 7 years ago at the time.

My sister ran into my room that day, screaming at me that I didn’t do my chores like I was supposed to. I rolled my eyes and yelled back at her, telling her to leave me alone and that if she wanted the dishes to be clean, she should just clean them herself. She screamed at me again and started to act like she was the mom of the house. I was tired of it, and I still am. Her bitch ass acting like a damn mom pissed me off. She wasn’t my mom, she wasn’t even a mom, so she needed to act like the big sister like she’s supposed to act. She was never a big sister role model. She was a bitch, and total crazy person and would talk our ears off everyday. She’d talk about shit that didn’t matter, how the kids at school were so dumb and how she needed to get somemore make up on that horribly pimple infected face of hers. I never really liked my big sister, from all the things she’d done in the past and how horrible she treated me and the family, I’d never forgive her. Not ever.

I feel my phone vibrate, reminding me that a text from someone had successfully been sent to me. I look down at my phone, reading the words texted to me on the screen. I smiled, continuing to text Crystal.