Real Life Story : Something New

Chapter 9

**ALL THE EVENTS IN THIS STORY ARE REAL. FURTHER CAUTION OF DEPRESSION - SELF HARM - AND CURSE WORDS - AND VERY HEAVY ILLNESSES.  THIS STORY IS NONFICTION**

      8th grade started so quickly. A BTS album released the same say, LOVE YOURSELF: ANSWER was the album. Crystal and I became friends again and I was feeling happier, as if 7th grade was hell in its self and that I’ve finally woke up from a nightmare. This year would be my second school year in this hell of a town, and only one complete year of me being here in this town. Time flew by fast.

    I read in an article that when you’re depressed, time seems to go by way faster because you have nothing to live for, that there is no reasoning for you to be here, so you watch the world go by. That made sense to me. I diagnosed myself with depression. I didn’t think we needed doctors in order for us to realize that we are sad, that we are depressed. 

    I remember my first-period class, somewhere in August of 2018, just about 4 months into being 14 years of age. I was scared, not knowing what anyone was thinking or if they think I’m disgusting. I didn’t want to mess up this year. 

    “Hope?” My teacher yelled my name, I never looked up so quickly in my life. I raised my shaky hand, feeling the stares pointed at the back of my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Here!” I yelled a bit too loud, my voice cracky and squeaky, the look in my eyes stabbed fear into the vision of my teacher. She looked at me, her red hair short and shiny. She smiled, so comforting that my fears disappeared. She was a heavy set women, but I never judged her on her appearance. I could tell that this teacher was going to be one of my favorites. 

    “Nice to meet you Hope, my name is Mrs, Moore. I’m glad that I have you in my first period U.S History class.” I was shaking, and I knew she could tell. She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled once more, then moved passed me to the kid behind me. I let out a sigh, looking down at my sweaty shaky hands and I felt so embarrassed. “Hope!” I heard someone half-whisper, half yell from a few desks away from me. I looked over to the voice and my heart skipped a beat. Hannah. Hannah I told myself. She’s in my first period, I’m not alone here. I almost fell off my chair when I noticed it was her. I showed a bright smile towards her and looked back down to my hands.  I quickly wiped my sweaty hands on my black pants and let out a sigh. 

    I felt someone kick my ankle from the desk next to me, I looked over and it was Emily, my K-pop loving friend of mine. I smiled at her, seeing clearly that she was listening to BTS’ new album. She looked down at her screen, then back at her white new iPhone earbuds. She took one out of her ear and reached it over to me. I moved my desk closer to her, finally able to reach the earbud and took it from her. I could hear Jin’s voice, the oldest member of the group and a wonderful vocalist, singing such a sad ton. Emily quickly paused it and started it over, hearing violins play and Pianos in the background. Then a sad breathy note from Jin. And about 46 seconds into the song, Jin belts out words in English that meant so much to me. “I’m the one I should love, in this world.” At that moment, I choked. Jin’s voice was so angelic and it made me want to cry. He sang a few more words in Korean that quietly said in English. “So, I love me.” I never knew how songs could move a person so much, and at that moment I knew that I was experiencing it.  Next thing you know, Jin was belting out woahs from every part of my brain and I felt like crying. 

    My first day of 8th grade was kind of exciting. I didn’t know how much worse 8th grade would be compared to 7th grade. I couldn’t even imagine.