Hendrix ✓

29 ★ Pushed away

𝕄𝕪 𝕆𝕝𝕕 𝕄𝕒𝕟 - 𝕄𝕒𝕔 𝔻𝕖𝕄𝕒𝕣𝕔𝕠

"As a heart grows stronger

sometimes love gets pushed away"

Cedric POV

      My heart is broken when I wake up. I roll out of bed, staring at the clothes strewn across the floor in our haste.

     I can't believe myself. I can't believe Hendrix.

      How could I ever let myself do this? How could I let her do this to me? Sex before mating is a crime. The Moon Goddess made sex a sacred act only to be between two mated people. I've disrespected Her. I've disrespected Hendrix.

     Anger bubbles up inside me. I want to hold this against her. She pressured me, persuaded me. She knew I wanted her. She knew I wanted to wait. Knew that I was tempted to give in. She pushed me into it.

     I regret giving in. I wish I could take it back. I need to beg for the Moon Goddesses forgiveness.

     In the end it was my choice. She was backing down, but I was too invested, too tempted by her mere presence.

     Although Hendrix wasn't very kind in her seduction of me, I still enjoyed every second of it. It was heaven. She's heaven. Every bit of her.

     She's amazing. She's a queen. What did I expect? She goes after what she wants.

      Maybe I should've outright told her. I could have explained my species, our religion, our customs. Would she have understood? Would she run screaming?

     I sigh, lean forward and rubbing my temples.

     Hendrix didn't know how serious this is. It's shameful to have sex before mating. She unknowingly helped me break a law of the Goddess.

     She didn't know better. She's a horny teenager, and I enabled her, I was more than happy to actually.

     I leave the apartment. My brain is still scrambling with the information of what happened. How could I give in? I knew the moment I saw my mate I wanted everything to go right between us, and I already screwed up.

     As much as I want to blame her, she didn't know. She has emotional problems stemming from her father's absence. I'm not surprised she questioned me when I wanted to wait.

      It makes sense that she pushed for sex to prove I love her, because she has a hard time believing it. It's no excuse though. If she loves me, she wouldn't push me.

     How can I be mad when she's a mess? How can I be mad when I'm the one who gave in, and let it happen? I was a very willing participant. It didn't take much pleading for me to slip.

     This is on both of us, but I feel the most responsible. While Hendrix was in the dark, I wasn't. If anyone finds out what we did I'll be looked down on. I'll lose my pack's respect. I'll seem weak and foolish.

     I am weak and foolish when it comes to Hendrix. She's my one true weakness.

     My hands go into my pockets on their own, an automatic tic. I stride quickly into the woods. The chill in the air would be please take if not for the predicament I find myself in.

     The sensation clawing at the base of my spine means only one thing, and I need to keep far away from human civilization if I'm actually going to go through with it. And something tells me I will.